vendredi 5 juin 2009

Shake it out

Yesterday, I had to go to Avignon. I didn't need much time there - basically I had to get there chat a little, sign a contract and leave.

I booked TGV tickets for me and Debbie and off we skipped. We had two hours in Avignon - plenty of time for what we needed to achieve. Well, it would have been, had we not missed our train.

We missed our train and so our leisurely two hour meeting became, by the time we arrived inthe south, a rushed twenty minute affair. Craziness. Instead of signing the contract with our new customer in a hotel meeting room, we did it sat on the steps outside the Avignon TGV station. Funny, but not my most professional of moments.

Anyway, the train home, we find ourselves in what appears to be the military carriage.

Me, Debbie, the strange woman opposite with lots of bags - and fifty soldiers. All in uniform. All with guns.

It was kind of unnerving (and not a little exciting - they seem to issue pants that are one size too small in the French army, thus ensuring tightness across the thighs and bottom *swoon*), but everyone soon settled down and me and Debbie fell asleep.

I woke up to see that the woman opposite was clutching a large bag on her lap. She'd been sat in the same position when I nodded off except that now she seemed to be holding on to it like it was the crown jewels.

As we approached Paris and the Gare de Lyon, she unzipped the bag. Debbie shot me a look as if to say 'what on earth?'.

The woman put her head next to the open bag and started talking baby-talk into the bag. Real goo-goo-ga-ga stuff.

And then, in one smooth manouevre, she pulled out of the bag the biggest, fattest, ugliest cat I've ever seen in my life. This cat was fugly. And enormous.

The cat, god bless it, was either asleep, dead, drugged or just lazy. The woman, however, was having none of this lethargy and started to shake the cat.

She shook it like Louise Woodward would shake a toddler, but got absolutely no reaction from the cat.

She caught me and Debbie looking at her.

"He has been on his holidays in the countryside. He is worn out." She said.

"Maybe he just needs to sleep", said I, the non-cat-expert.

"I think you'll find that I know what's best for him!" said the clearly crazy cat lady. She slammed him down on the table between our seats.

The cat woke up, screaming.

"See?" she said. "He just needs to see that he's back in Paris. He's really missed the city."

"Haven't we all?" said I, my eyes wandering to the to the tight-trousered Army boys, all busy manhandling their luggage off the train.

"Haven't we all...."

17 commentaires:

Swearing Mother a dit…

Ah, the opportunities contained in this post to make slightly naughty comments about pussies, guns in pockets and tight trousers.

But I will resist. After all, I am Senior Citizen.

Sigh.

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Senior Citizen! bah! As long as you're not a twirly...

Henry North London a dit…

In England the woman would have had a call to the RSPCA by now

May be she might get hit by un eclat de tonnere

Lane a dit…

Bizarre. Bogglingly bizarre. And I'm talking about the woman, not the soldiers:-)

wontletlifedefineme a dit…

Poor kitty... I think I would scream too if I came from the countryside and found myself in Paris! ;)

Daryl a dit…

Oh I am so not laughing .. okay I am ... but I am trying not to ..

Swearing Mother a dit…

You mean the 8.00 a.m. crowd of "am I too early driver?" crinkly types queueing for the cheap bus fares that start at 9.30 a.m? I so wish the driver would say, "yes you are you blithering old bag, it's only eight o'clock so bugger off home and make some sardine sandwiches, or worm the cat or whatever you aged crones do before 9.30 a.m."

Nah. You ain't never gonna get me on a bus full of OAPS, too busy racketing around in the MG with the roof down, and anyway with hangovers like mine I'd never get up that early :0)

The Mutant a dit…

You mean to tell me that on a train filled with soldiers the best story you could come up with involved a crazed lady with a cat?

Poor form, my friend - there'd better be a second part to this story!

A Lewis a dit…

Nothing like a shaken up pussy to brighten up a harried day.

Victor a dit…

I simply cannot believe that you fell asleep whilst sharing a carriage with fifty soldiers dressed in tight trousers.

That cannot be true. The cat story must be a cover for whatever really happened.

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Henry, I'm not a cat fan, so I wasn't that sympathetic....

Lane, truly bizarre...truly

Marjolein, you don't like the city, do you?

D, glad you see the funny side of it all...even tho you are a big cat fan.

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Sweary - that's the spirit...I like your style sweetie!

Mutant, alas there isn't. I wish there had been...

Lewis, a big fat pussy at that...;-)

Victor, no cover, sorry. Just a dull tale about a cat...

Henry North London a dit…

I dont like cats much either Their claws are too sharp

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Henry - their claws are too sharp sure, but they are also the devil incarnate. Hateful things that make me ill - literally...I'm allergic

Anthony a dit…

'She shook it like Louise Woodward would shake a toddler' ..... ROTFL!!!

travelling, but not in love a dit…

LaTanya, it's a bit politically incorrect, but hey...

12ontheinside a dit…

she had a cat in a bag? no wonder she had to shake it when she got it out - it was probably half dead!