mercredi 17 juin 2009

Nobody forced you

Flying back into Charles de Gaulle airport from the UK, and the pilot makes an announcement.

"We'll be landing in fifteen minutes, but unfortunately they're making us land on the remotest runway. So, after landing, we'll have a twenty minute taxi to the gate. However, we'll be at the gate five minutes ahead of schedule."

So, it was clear right? Land early, drive a bit then get to the stand on time. No reason to complain. Or so I thought.

Five minutes into the 'taxi', the guy across the aisle from me starts to tut. He's fidgeting in his seat and he's a-huffing and a-puffing.

"This is beyond a joke." He said, to no-one in particular.

I look across at him - schoolboy error - and that's it. He's locked onto me and he's starting to talk.

"You here for a holiday then?" he said, condescendingly.

"No, I"m heading home", I told him. "I live in Paris".

"Oh, I live in Paris too" he said. "Hate the place. Hate it. I go back to the UK every weekend".

"That's a shame. Paris a great place to live."

"What's so great about it?" he said, throwing down the gauntlet.

I was about to tell him why I like my adopted home, but I changed my mind.

"Where do you go back to every weekend?" I asked him. "Where in the UK?"

"Northampton" he said, surprisingly unashamedly.

"Hmm. Northampton," said I. "It has a lovely shoe museum, I hear."

He looked at me as if I had just flicked shit on his tie. That was the end of that conversation.

As we were disembarking, he was ahead of me in the queue. He turned to speak to the (lovely, friendly, handsome, French) steward.

"This is the worst airport in the worst city in the world!" he exclaimed, loudly.

"Really sir?" said the stew, with a disarming smile. "I didn't see anyone force you onto the plane. Maybe it's just you? Have a pleasant evening!"

Air France 1 : Miserable git 0

I like Paris. And I really like that steward.

34 commentaires:

conortje a dit…

what a tosser - well done to both you and teh teward - he doesn't deserve to live in Paris - I'd live there in a heartbeat if I could!

Lane a dit…

Northampton or Paris?

What a very strange man!

mizpolly a dit…

flicked shit on his tie

that made me laugh out loud, no mean feat today let me tell you. i may steal that saying, pissed on the christmas presents is getting a bit old now

A Lewis a dit…

Exactly as I'd have done it. I don't put up with anything from anybody with a bad attitude. We just had a friend leave Portland after ten years here -- and all he's done since he left is bad-mouth Portland....I put a stop to that right off the bat.

As for Northampton, easy there.... I had a delightful stay with friends there...including yummy scones and lemon curd. Oh, and tea as well.

Anonyme a dit…

[Raises an eyebrow]

There is no way that an Air France steward would say such a thing to a passenger. I suspect you are embellishing somewhat, but hey, never let the truth get in the way of a good story, right? :)

wontletlifedefineme a dit…

Classic. I really wonder what strange powers took his free will away and force him to go to Paris every week.

travelling, but not in love a dit…

big C...wish you could...it'd be fun...expensive, but un...

Lane - a positive weirdo...

MP, I like that one too...classy

Lewis, the stew made me think of you. It was class.

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Dearest Anon with the raised eyebrow. Sorry to disappoint you and the very high opinion you have of AF stews but he absolutely did say that.

And trust me, I've spent hours on end (days?) in AF cabins - and I've heard much better (and much worse...) than that from the crew.....

Marjolein, who knows? He certainly didn't....

aims a dit…

Didn't your mom ever teach you not to talk to strangers? tsk tsk

See what happens!

Now - come on over here and I'm going to introduce you to a couple of really nice strangers....;0)

Rob Inukshuk a dit…

Wonderful, I love the steward too!
Welcome home to awful Paris where you don't have any fun at all...not half!

Anonyme a dit…

No disappointment; I quite simply do not believe you. I smell bacon; someone is telling porkies!

Anonyme avec le raised eyebrow

Daryl a dit…

What a shit .. I am so loving the steward ..and you 'shoe museum' bwahaaa .. good one!

Henry North London a dit…

having lived in Northampton, I would say that Paris is much nicer.

The man obviously is a complete and utter nutter.

Good one on the steward though He probably said it quite softly though.

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Aims, I'm sure you know many....

Rob, it's a hermit's life for me here....le sigh

Anonyme...it's up to you sweetheart. You have the right to believe what you want. But in this instance, you are wrong. p.s. we're all friends here, there's no need to hide behind 'anon' you know....;-)

travelling, but not in love a dit…

D, I thought the ''shoe museum' line was the killer blow - I KNEW you'd love it!

Henry, he said it as clearly and as loudly as everything else he said. And he smiled as he said it....so funny!

savannah a dit…

it is nice to know that isn't always ugly americans being jerks abroad, sugar! i'd live in paris in a heartbeat, if i could! in fact, the last time i was there we started looking at flats! *sigh* xoxoxo

(by the by, well done retort re the shoe museum!)

The Pixy Princess a dit…

I can never understand those passengers who jump up to get their bags just as soon as the plane touches down. They just end up waiting in the aisle like the rest of us! And, they're also probably the same eejits who run to board the plane as if the damn thing's going to take off without 'em.
But, without those morons we would all be lacking in blog material! ;)

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Savannah, it's definitely not just the Americans...

Pixy, I'm a jumper upper if it gets me to the front of the queue....if not, then I sit and wait. Like a sane person...

The Mutant a dit…

Heh, gold. Plus the Anonymous commenter who obviously works in the Air France Public Relations office is just the icing on the cake.

I think I want to marry that steward!

travelling, but not in love a dit…

mutant - you made my day.

Anonyme a dit…

Ok, I'm anon because I think I know the blogger in another capacity and I just don't want to go there. And, no, I don't work for Air France.

I'm not a writer, but I enjoy reading and one of the things I really enjoy reading is humour. I'm well aware that good writers will massage reality here and there in order to make a piece of writing more enjoyable or add some punch. "Got on a plane. There was an angry man" would not make a very interesting blog entry.

My difficulty with this story is that the punchline is not believable. If it were another passenger or the writer himself, it would be plausible, but it is hugely unlikely that an flight attendant would really say such a thing to a passenger regardless of how much they might want to. This detail undermines the impact of the whole piece for me (and I would suggest that a number of recent entries have a few "Oh really?" moments - sorry!).

I could be totally wrong of course, and apologies to the blogger if he truly witnesses occurrences such as this one. It just doesn't ring true for this reader.

alan a dit…

has Debbie found your blog? And decided to contradict you on your anecdotes?

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Anon, you know me? How exciting! Maybe you should drop me an email and tell me who you are....i'm intrigued. tbnil at hotmail . com

Alan - hmm, Debbie doesn't really write english like this....I don't know who it could be tbh.

cb a dit…

Yes it's just him.

Paris captured my heart from moment one. With that damn parade...

Valleys Mam a dit…

Hey anon - do u want a list of quips from stewards and stewardesses to passengers, how naive are you lol.
Some of hose guys and gals are first class bitches you know - in he best possible taste of course.
Intriguing tbnil wonder how many more of us he thinks he she knows.

12ontheinside a dit…

Ha ha ha ha. Love it. And especially love the fact that you've been challenged on your version of the story.

travelling, but not in love a dit…

CB - yeah, I know. It got you at the ropey majorettes, right?

VM - some people, eh?

12oti...challenge, schmallenge. It's quite the ridiculousness, no?

The Hangar Queen a dit…

Having been a flight attendant for many years I can assure Anon that such a quip is a rather standard response to the oft-repeated bleating of morons like Northampton Man.

It's an often overlooked fact that all of the petty little rules that go with flying are responses to people doing very silly things.

'Road Warriors' like No.Ma.need to put back in their boxes every now and again.

Bravo Mon.Steward.

Oh,and put me on the Paris in a heartbeat list as well.

Anonyme a dit…

@The Hangar Queen: Well, I've been a flight attendant for 27 years and that sort of unprofessional/emotional response is far from 'rather standard'.

Or maybe I haven't been a flight attendant at all. That's the problem with the darn internet: anyone can say anything - it's all up to the reader to decide what's believable. ;)

The Hangar Queen a dit…

@ Anonyme
Especially so when one is anonymous.

Buh-Bye!

tornwordo a dit…

Lovely specimen, that.

travelling, but not in love a dit…

HQ - love ya. Always have done, always will do.

Torny, magnificent specimen, indeed.

And Anon? I know no-one who has been a flight attendant for anything more than a year or two. Thus, dearest no-name, I can't imagine that you know me at all.....

Anonyme a dit…

I'm not a flight attendant. I was trying to make the point that anyone can claim anything on the internet and that the reader has to trust the author. Q.E.D. perhaps.

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Enough already.