mercredi 24 juin 2009

This is how we roll, apparently

Can you imagine anyone less likely to be heading to Amsterdam on a stag weekend?

Me either.

With images of strippers, tanked up lads and lost afternoons in coffeeshops filling my head, I boarded the Thalys with a trolley bag full of dread. Really, this wasn’t the weekend I would have chosen.

The problem is, though, that as best man I had absolutely no way of getting out of the stag weekend, nor did I have any chance of fading into the background and slipping quietly away. What I needed to do was embrace it. Start to look forward to it. Find a way to enjoy – more than enjoy, to love - this weekend.

If you look at it positively, then there are many things to look forward to. Spending the weekend with ‘the boys’, drinking the days away, the occasional joint, dancing late into the morning to crap music with a group of sweaty guys. Sounds just like any other weekend when I put it like that.

Well, it turns out that this isn’t what happened.

From a group of 9, only five turned up – including me and the groom. And the other three were fairly nerdy, pretty geeky and mostly looking forward to watching the Grand Prix on the TV on Sunday afternoon. Jesus wept.

So, it's Friday night and we're planning to go out on the town, but the groom has been smoking dope all afternoon and he’s in no state to go anywhere. I told you it was a classy weekend, right? In the end, I take the other three to meet up with my Amsterdam friend (thank the Lord for friends in ‘high’ places) who is playing in a band that night.

We have a pretty good night, except that at one stage, one of the geeks loses his phone.

"My phone has been stolen from my pocket" he said to me. "I need you to find it for me."

"Erm, that’s not going to happen. Are you sure it’s been stolen?"

"Yes, I am. And you’re in charge so you need to find it"

You can imagine how well this has conversation is going down with me. But it turns out that there’s a reason for his panic. It seems he works for a government ministry and there is sensitive data contained within the depths of his Crackberry. The data must have been pretty sensitive because the boy is practically crying.

Despite it being a lost cause, I enrol the help of my Amsterdam friend, and he heads off to ask around and see if anyone has handed it in. Like that ever happens.

Amsterdam friend came back ten minutes later.

"I’ve asked at the bar," he said, talking to the Lost Phone Boy, "and the barmaid said you’re a wanker".

"Wha….?" Said LPB.

"I also asked at the cloakroom, and she said you’re a wanker too."

"Bu…."

"And then I asked the bouncer, but he just said that you’re a wanker."

And that was pretty much the exact moment that the little, weedy, geeky Lost Phone Boy punched my tall, solid, rock-god, Amsterdam friend. Right on the nose.

It was also the exact moment that I left the bar.

I figured that there was more fun to be found elsewhere.

It turned out that I was right…..

(oh, and the LPB had left his phone in his bedroom, so it had never been stolen. This didn't stop him getting a huge bollocking from his employers though....he he)

19 commentaires:

wontletlifedefineme a dit…

Sounds like those 'stags' are more a bunch of lost puppies... Why would he have taken a phone with such classified information on it to a bar anyway? And then punching someone? See, that's why I never go to Amsterdam.

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Marjolein, it was an unusual evening. And yes, the question has to be asked doesn't it? Why WOULD you take that phone to a bar?

The Mutant a dit…

I think I know LPB, well I know his type anyway. The kind who can never do wrong and therefore cannot be responsible for, say, losing their own phone out of their own pocket as a result of their own actions.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that he wasn't particularly apologetic when he discovered it back in his room, am I right?

Now about this 'more fun to be had elsewhere' business... Do tell!

Jaala a dit…

Seriously he sounded like a wanker... How old is this guy and he really doesn't sound like he should be in charge of anything classified - he can't even handle a phone!!! And then to punch your friend!

I do laugh that the groom ended up too stoned to do anything and didn't go out!

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Mootant, oh yeah, he wasn't ashamed or apologetic when he found his phone. Nor for his weirdass behaviour. All too weird. Not what you expect from a 45 year-old man....

Jaala, the groom was a lightweight!

Daisy a dit…

Long time no read! Have been buried almost literally in work and self loathing but have emerged! To find you heading off for stag weekends!! Unbelievable, lost phone boy was way out of line!

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Hey Daisy, it's been a while! Can you imagine me on a stag weekend....? ridiculous

Louise a dit…

LPB IS a wanker.

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Je agree, Louise, je agree...he he

Daryl a dit…

What a wanker .. does this expression include asshole adults who act like children on a class trip? I hope your friend punched him smack on his nose ...

travelling, but not in love a dit…

D - it certainly does - and there are lots of those around...

Rob Inukshuk a dit…

A complete tosser! Well, at least it seems you had some fun.....do tell.

cb a dit…

Ooooooo, you never mentioned the punch!! He WAs a wanker!!

Brett a dit…

Just announced you as my blog of the week, award over at my place.

aims a dit…

Sweetie - sometimes you hang with the weirdest people. I was going to put wankers - but you beat me to it.

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Rob - all will be revealed, watch this space...

CB - yep, he was. Sorry for the four a.m. phone call btw...oops.

Brett - wow that's so cool! Thank you!. I'm on my way over to thank you now.

Aims, well, wanker is the right word I'm afraid...

Pure Poser a dit…

Noice, sounds like one helluva shindig. xD

Btw, are the guys as bad as they sound in Turkey? I'm asking some people who've been, so I get an idea of the place.
xxx

12ontheinside a dit…

God. What a complete tool.
Although it gives me an idea - next time I stuff up I shall just turn to someone, tell them it's their fault because they are "in charge" and they have to fix it.

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Poser - if by 'as bad as they sound' are they likely to be interested in a young, good looking, confident woman, then yes I guess they are. That said, they can be charming and disarmingly attractive. So be careful!

12oti - yep, wasn't me, not my fault, someone else's problem .... not at all what you'd expect from a government employee, right?