jeudi 25 juin 2009

Not feeling myself. Not feeling anyone else either.

If I’m going to tell you about what happened ‘out of hours’ on the stag weekend, I need to tell you more about Florida Boy.

You see - and you know me well enough to realise that this isn’t something I say lightly – I’m kind of off casual sex at the moment. I know, it’s stunning right?

See, the thing is this – I really like Florida Boy. Really like him. And I think it’s changing my perspective a bit. It’s definitely making me think about what I’m doing going on endless dates.

Me and FB talk every day online and then again every evening by telephone. In fact he just called as I'm typing this. He makes me laugh, he’s funny, handsome and dirty.

So it’s kind of weird, because he’s so far away, but I know that deep down I don’t want to get involved with anyone until after I’ve seen him in August - and until I’ve decided whether he’s what I think he is or not.

Then, you’ll understand that it was pure curiosity that led me to leave the stag party behind at 2am and head to the Cockring, the infamous Amsterdam gay club.

"Where are you off to?" said the groom.

"I’m kind of straight-barred out," I said. "I’m going to find something else. You’ll be ok without me, right?"

The groom was, at this stage, barely able to speak and propped up against the bar in an awful Irish pub just of Dam Square. We’d been there for what seemed like hours and hours. Football was being repeated on the big screen. It was so not my scene.

"You off then, mate?" this was the Lost Phone Boy, less drunk than the night before, but equally obnoxious.

"Yeah, thought I’d go find somewhere a bit livelier".

"I’ll come with you – where are you going?"

"The Cockring"

"I’ll maybe just stay here a bit longer." And with that he skulked back over to the bar.

So I got to the Cockring and it was crowded. And it was small. And hot. And smelly. The place was full of good-looking guys though, so that helped my mood. I did a bit of a tour and ended up standing with my beer at the edge of the dancefloor, admiring the moves of a rather bear-ish Dutchman.

The dancefloor in the Cockring isn’t large, and there was a tiny stage at one side. As I wondered what on earth it could be used for, my question was answered in the shape of two handsome young men. One was blond, short and hairy, and was wearing a leather kilt. The other tall, dark and muscled and wearing a pair of, well, a pair of see-through underpants.

It doesn’t really matter what they were wearing though, as both were naked within minutes and brandishing their ‘weapons’ at the crowded dancefloor. They waved their bits at the crowd and then at each other. Then they started to wave each other's bits at the crowd....

What was the most stunning thing about this, however, wasn’t the show itself – let’s face it, we’ve all seen men with erections dancing naked on tables, right – but more the fact that nobody was watching.

Everyone was dancing and dancing hard to some Katy Perry remix. She’s hot and she’s cold, apparently.

And then I saw why everyone was dancing. There was a guy dealing. No, wait, there were lots of guys dealing. Seems ecstasy was going round the room faster than a dose of herpes. No wonder the boys just wanted to dance.

Well, I know you’d be disappointed to hear that I stood back and watched. That I didn’t participate fully. So with the spirit of my youth pushing me forward, I scored, I swallowed and I danced.

So let's get this clear. I was feeling great, in a happy, lovely, dancing, fabulous mood, as were the rest of the boys in the room. The bar was full of handsome, friendly guys who were out for a good time. I even chatted to a guy or two, and got bought a drink by a handsome Mexican.

So despite all of this, nothing happened.


No kissing, no snogging, no heavy petting. No 'come back to mine', no 'let's go to the darkroom', no 'there's a sauna round the corner you know...'. Nothing.

All of the above could easily have happened, but it didn't. I didn't want it to happen. I shied away. I just wanted to dance, smile and generally have fun.

I'm a bit worried, to be honest.

Do you think that maybe there is something wrong with me?

Please don't tell me it's love, because, quite frankly, that's ridiculous.

23 commentaires:

Henry North London a dit…

Its age

You realise that the neverending stream of bodies in your bed is just that Human flesh, It doesnt really do anything for you

Dancing though is more endorphin producing.

Id blame the ecstasy personally

and the fact that youve come down so spectacularly afterwards, Your serotonin is depleted my friend

Eat lots of protein and half a potato before bed. Every day You will get your mojo back soon

cb a dit…

Awww, you are a smitten kitten!!

Plus, I think that weekend was just too odd and drugfilled for shagging.

Anonyme a dit…

May be its the realisation of what's important to you, maybe your bored of casual sex.
may be the pace of your life is changing , you cannot be hyper all the time darling boy, sometimes we need to reflect.
Why are you so sure its not love - are you immune

aims a dit…

You KNOW it's love.

We all do!

que sera sera!

DSS a dit…

I am so very excited to see how things go in August! Although, if you give up all of your shenanigans for love, I will miss your recaps terribly. Perhaps you could just write a book?

Daryl a dit…

Well I dont think its love yet .. but I am rooting for FB 'cause I want you to come to the States!

Anonyme a dit…

Maybe you're growing out of the casual sex phase darlin.

And I think you have something serious for FB :)

Louise a dit…

Are you growing up?

Anonyme a dit…

Growing up? Nah. Perhaps it's something in the water.

Anonyme a dit…

I agree with cb - put it down to an odd weekend...

Plus some times there is nothing better then dancing the night away!

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Henry - I'm not sure about the half potato...should it be cooked?

CB - schmitten Kitten my arse. ha ha. And I agree - not the weekend for anything like that to happen.

VM - I had thought I was immune...

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Aims - let's wait and see....but you may have a point.

DSS - the craziness will never stop. Of that i'm sure...

Daryl - I booked my ticket yesterday - I'm in NYC the second weekend of January....

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Poser, serious, schmerious I say...

Louise, let's hope not, eh? That'd be disastrous for everyone (especially the owner of the Freedj bar in Paris)

12oti - I hope there's nothing in my own particular water...Maybe I need to employ a taster?

Jaala, yup, dancing the night away is hard to beat.

Myopic Psychotic a dit…

Move to Florida! Pack your bags and move to Florida! I'll come to Paris and help you pack, if you like ... It's fantastic to be mad about someone ... Alternatively, I could fly to Florida and pack his things for a move to Paris. You might let me know which is the best option. I need to plan.

Anonyme a dit…

Oh no, you're turning into me! ;) Just interested in dancing and not in scoring.
But you know there's nothing wrong with that, right? ...and that you need to drink a lot of water when you take XTC because it can cause overheating?

The Pixy Princess a dit…

Heavens no, nothing wrong. Dancing is awesome! And being left alone on the dance enough to ENJOY the dancing is even better.

Of course you KNOW that without the Ex around, there would have been boys all over you right? You handsome devvil you!!

Lady Gaga did say it right.

tornwordo a dit…

I was gonna say age too.

Ecstasy doesn't work anymore for me, soupire.

The Mutant a dit…

Sweet, merciful christ on a bike... I could kick you in the cunt right now for that!

Here I am settling into this hideous middle-suburban nightmare with a perfectly normal husband by my side, living vicariously through a sex starved pom in a foreign land whose attitude reminds me much of my own back in the days when I was filthier than a fish taco, and then this?????????

You have no idea how disillusioned I'm feeling right now.

alan a dit…

Ah, The Cockring.

Fun is to be had in that place. You just need the right person with you!

Swearing Mother a dit…

Forget the half a potato, Travelling.

We Brummies just need a bag of chips and we're anybody's.

Anonyme a dit…

schmerious my arse :P

have a good think about how you feel about about him.

travelling, but not in love a dit…

MP...slow down, you move too fast!

Marjolein, overheating is an issue everywhere in this heat!

Pixy, Dancing is where it's at. I did a fine YMCA last night (the shame...)

Torny, I hope it's not age....I really hope not.

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Mutant - I'll giddy things up fro you again soon...don't worry!

Alan, I want DETAILS!

SM - true - I'm anyone's for a bag of chips with lots of vinegar....

Poser, I think I already know....eek.