lundi 3 mars 2008

In-flight catering

Is it just me? Maybe it is.

Friday afternoon I take the plane from Geneva to London City for the Isle of Dogs weekend. The plane is full, but I have my favourite seat (the aisle seat in the first row of economy) so all is well with the world.

The window seat is taken by a thirty-something business guy, all suited and booted (and quite a hotty, if you'll forgive me). In between the two of us sits my nightmare passenger - the mother with baby. It's not an old baby, but it's a bit hairy, a la Suri Cruise. I'm now expecting and hour and half of screaming kid....

The baby didn't cry. Mother had a secret weapon up her sleeve. Well, not so much up her sleeve as in her blouse. We had barely left the ground when out came the titty and the baby was attached.

Both me and the cute suit shifted uncomfortably in our seats.

It's not like she was even discreet about it. She just sat there, tit out and baby sucking. OK, now I know that all of the female readers are going 'so?' and 'Oh come on!' and 'it's only natural'. But it was really uncomfortable.

Anyway, mothers milk being obviously quite rich, the baby proceeds to fill his nappy. It stinks. Mother puts her breast away and takes him off the the toilet (after getting me to hold the kid while she sorts out a clean nappy). Trust me, it stunk.

With mother out of the way, the cute suit looks at me and says "Is that normal behaviour?". I can tell that he too secretly wishes he'd taken British Airways.

Mother comes back with clean child and, no sooner has she returned than the blouse is opened, the titty is out and the child is, once again attached. Ten minutes later and the same foul smell is choking everyone. Cue, repeat of the whole palava....

On her return to her seat the second time, the mother does nothing less than open her blouse and flop it out again. She's sat there, tit out, when the steward comes up and says "We'll be landing in five minutes, you may want to finish the job on the ground".

Is it just me? Maybe it is.

But it seems to me to me that - despite it being very natural, blah blah - that breastfeeding on a plane, sat between two strangers (both men) and in such close proximity, was actually a really bizarre thing to do.

But hey, at least the baby didn't cry....

12 commentaires:

savante a dit…

Perhaps you could have cooked up a scheme with the hottie to get her to move :) So that you can get side by side with the hottie - and the mama can have more space near the aisle.

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Hi Savante....

you're right, I should have maybe tried that. Many a romance has been started in row 3....

CawfeeGuy a dit…

"But hey, at least the baby didn't cry...."

fuck the Hokey Pokey...that's what it's all about.

my theory is this: give him a cookie, give him a tit, give him some scotch, give him a car; just make the little gorilla-thing stop/not cry.

conortje a dit…

I feel for you I really do. But at least you got to leave the plane after the flight. I'm still dealing with it... :-)

http://conortje.wordpress.com/2008/01/08/do-you-know-why-my-breasts-are-leaking/

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Cawfeeguy, I'm torn between agreeing with you in a 'I don't care as long as the thing doesn't cry' kind of way, and just not wanting to be exposed to big milky breasts at such proximity.

Or at any proximity for that matter.

Conortje, you have my sympathy. Bless you for putting up with that, you must have the patience of a saint.... ;o)

aims a dit…

Darling - I don't think it's just you...I too would have been shocked! (guess it's obvious I've never had children)

sally in norfolk a dit…

I am female... have had 2 children and i would have hated it... but as you say at least it didnt cry :-)

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Sally and Aims, I'm so pleased you agree! I thought it was just us Boyz who were finding this odd....

Swearing Mother a dit…

The thing is about this breast feeding lark is that if you really want to, the whole thing can be done without anyone noticing at all. Mums don't really need to flash the tit in public if they're a bit discreet about it. It's like they're almost challenging you to make a comment about a "natural" function, but I've breast fed babies all over the place and with a well placed jacket or shawl over my shoulder and the baby, no one can see what's going on.

But there's nothing much you can do to disguise the pong of poo-y nappies, unfortunately. Just pretend it's over ripe Camembert maybe, very similar aroma if I remember rightly.

Next time you encounter gratuitous breast feeding next to you on a plane, just hold out your cup of black coffee and say "me next and make it frothy" and hopefully the silly cow will move.

knifepainter a dit…

Excellent plan Sweary......would that be a Mommolatte, or Titochino ?

Valleys Mam a dit…

Ah those booby moments. May be the Air people should provide a room for titties and totty.
I agree with Swearing Mother - it can and should be done discreetly
Next time take your dick out and let it hang around, may be she would have got the message - second thoughts you would be had for indecent exposure, its a woman's world darling.

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Oh, VM if only you knew the tale that hangs thereby....