mardi 4 mars 2008

Didn't your parents buy you any toys?

Well, tonight I arrived home grumpy. I don't know why. I had a decent enough day - interviewing in Paris all day with my lovely colleague - but when I got off the train at Part Dieu, I just felt grumpy.

Maybe it was because I had a seat that faced the back of the train (I hate that, and SNCF know it - why do they do that to me?). Maybe it was because the TGV travels so darn fast that my internet connection can't keep up. Maybe it was the snow that had started to fall.

Anyway, I got off the train and felt grumpiness wash over me.

Then I read the comment from Valleys Mam, who suggested that next time I'm faced with an in-flight breast-feeder (see In-flight catering, below) I get my dick out and claim equality for the sexes. This made me laugh a lot and brought to mind the following episode (VM, this one is for you...)....

I was travelling by plane from Birmingham to Glasgow about three years ago, and was sat in the middle seat between two colleagues. It was an early morning flight - we left at about 6.30 a.m. - and so, having been woken by middle of the night alarm clocks, we all promptly fell asleep upon boarding.

Anyway, whilst sleeping the sleep of the innocent, I had a less than innocent - some would say downright filthy - dream which involved me 'pleasuring myself' 'manually' and achieving much joy from said 'pleasuring'.

I woke, with quite a flush in my cheeks and a need to reposition myself in my seat.

Whilst repositioning myself, I noticed that my flies were well and truly open, and gaping....

Surely I didn't.....

Two days later, I fell asleep on the train from Birmingham to London. Yet again, I was taken by the same filthy (but not un-enjoyable) dream. Again, I woke up to find my trousers undone....

It'll not surprise you to learn that I quickly developed a fear of falling asleep on any form of transport.

22 commentaires:

Swearing Mother a dit…

I think the time has come for very tight restrictive undies for you m'lad, and a pair of boxing gloves if you intend to have erotic dreams on public transport.

Valleys Mam a dit…

LOLOL that has me thinking in pictures.
Did you check out other peoples faces.
Swearing mam, I go withetight pants - they are erotic in their own right , but boxing gloves, how do you carry a laptop brief case and a takewa`y coffee with them on.
Travellling -when were you at Glamorgan, did you study marketing there, I did a bit of marketing lecturing there and in Cardiff

eguinan a dit…

It's wrong and hot. But wrong.








Yet hot.

But wrong.


(etc etc)

aims a dit…

My oh my - it must have been some dream...had your colleagues discreetly moved? - you didn't say....

conortje a dit…

Facing the back is the safest position to be in on a train (in case of accident)- just remember that next time SNCF are mean to you!

CawfeeGuy a dit…

ROFLMAO
that is AWESOME! you FILTHY BITCH!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

Lane a dit…

This is my first time visit to your blog and quite frankly I'm .......


laughing:-)


That's one way to clear a carriage ... or at least make sure you keep a double seat:-)

travelling, but not in love a dit…

VM - I did study Marketing at Glamorgan....Graduated in 96. Please don't tell me you were one of my lecturers...that would be too funny!

The rest of you, you're all pretending to be horrified but secretly excited (not so secretly in some cases).

All except for lovely Conortje who is giving me sound advice to stop me being killed. What a lovely man he is - refusing to comment on the filth, remaining practical as ever.

CawfeeGuy a dit…

you want sound advice? try a chastity belt.

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Oh jeez, you Americans....you're so practical. I imagine you know an on-line retailer who can help me out, Cawfeeguy?

CawfeeGuy a dit…

naturally!
here y'go.

travelling, but not in love a dit…

You. Stun. Me.

For my readers of a more delicate dispostion, who are afraid to follow the link, the product that Cawfeeguy recommends is as follows:

Mens Locking Chastity Belt with Leg Straps is made of rugged black leather.

Attached to the leather pouch are a set of leather leg straps, each with a metal padlock at the point of the adjusting buckle, and a g-string set of leather straps with locks at each adjustment.

One size fits most men".

Ye gods.

travelling, but not in love a dit…

And I'm almost choking with laughter looking at some the devices and contraptions.

Thanks the lord I don't share an office.

CawfeeGuy a dit…

my office filters won't even let me VIEW the page. i just ripped the link off of google.

are you worried it won't fit?

travelling, but not in love a dit…

It may be a bit on the tight side.

But then I quite like that.

Breezy a dit…

I guess that fat bloke didn't know how lucky he was!

conortje a dit…

Oh I just want you to be safe so that the filth can continue :-)

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Conortje. Trust me, the filth continues. It's not ideal, but it does.

Stew a dit…

When I think of that Polish worker who was prosecuted for violating a Happy Henry, and the guy who was done for buggering a bike, it occurs to me that the UK is not the safest place to be having public pleasure. Although somnambulence might be a legitimate defence.

Please take more care.

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Stew, I'm trying, honestly. It hasn't happened again for a while now. At least I don't think it has...

Lewis a dit…

My puppy has a couple of toys that could do double duty if you need them. He doesn't play with them at all.

Valleys Mam a dit…

Hey its not filth -its sexually motivated fun and good for you.
I share a secret -I am married to a sexual therapist and he is Danish ....... god help me
1996 - no sadley I wasnt lecturing then, just a bit of visiting stuff on MBAs
that would have been so funny