Well, my mother arrives tomorrow. With her sister (yes, my Aunt) in tow. God help me.
So, I've cleaned the house from top to bottom. I've removed anything that may upset or offend. I've made sure that the fridge is cheese-free (otherwise my mother won't eat anything that's been in it - she has a cheese phobia) and I've made sure there's plenty of gin in stock for the Aunt. Luckily there always is.
I even mopped the floors with a special 'parquet brillance'. It has made my wooden floors shine so much that I've fallen on my arse, twice. I've now taken to walking very gingerly about the flat. Ridiculous.
My mother called me this evening to ask what time her flight is and it sounded like she was at the bottom of a hole.
Apparently she's losing her voice.
Thank the Lord for small mercies.
The weekend may yet pass without incident.
11 commentaires:
cheese phobia?
Do you have a room where you can sneak off to every now and then to eat cheese and drink extra gin?
Cawfeeguy, yes, a cheese-phobia. Turophobia, to be precise. She likes that it has a proper phobia name. She won't look at cheese, won't eat anything that come snear cheese and won;t eat anything that sounds like it might be/contain cheese.
Ridiculous, but not as bad as my old boss who wouldn't go in a room if there was a tomato in there.
And Conortje, if only such a room existed. Usually it's called my flat, but alas it's under siege.
It's nice to see them, but in my experience it's bloody wonderful when they go away again.
Two old ladies and a sliipery floor, sounds like a recipe for disaster to me!
Start in early...very early....with the gin. For you and them. Give 'em nice slick socks for their feet and turn them loose on the floor. Keep us apprised of the situation!
I've never heard of a phobia for cheese - or tomatoes!
A slippery floor and old ladies - what are you thinking??!!!
Add gin - oh my goodness...it's for you - right? The gin -
Watch out for that shiny floor TBNIL, old ladies have a habit of going arse over tit on anything shiny and ending up with a fractured hip. Unless you want to spend a lot of time in le A and E over le weekend, I'd scuff it up a bit!
I have a picture of "arsenic and old lace"
So what you going to do with them then,apart from indoor skating and a piss up lol.
Enjoy some times older women can be interesting you know
I guess you are all well stuck into the gin by now have a great weekend
Indoor skating. Arsenic and Old Lace. What kind of world do you think I inhabit?
It's not as 'who killed baby jane' as you'd imagine.
But i am pleased to confirm that plenty of gin has been consumed by yours truly, thus taking the edge most definitely off.
All going home tomorrow. And I'm going to Holland. Much excitement.
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