Well, my mother arrives tomorrow. With her sister (yes, my Aunt) in tow. God help me.
So, I've cleaned the house from top to bottom. I've removed anything that may upset or offend. I've made sure that the fridge is cheese-free (otherwise my mother won't eat anything that's been in it - she has a cheese phobia) and I've made sure there's plenty of gin in stock for the Aunt. Luckily there always is.
I even mopped the floors with a special 'parquet brillance'. It has made my wooden floors shine so much that I've fallen on my arse, twice. I've now taken to walking very gingerly about the flat. Ridiculous.
My mother called me this evening to ask what time her flight is and it sounded like she was at the bottom of a hole.
Apparently she's losing her voice.
Thank the Lord for small mercies.
The weekend may yet pass without incident.