lundi 3 mars 2008

London calling

So, the Isle of Dogs. Otherwise known as Canary Wharf, Millwall, Docklands. No matter what you call it, it's not exotic. That said, the name 'Isle of Dogs' does conjure up images of pirates, loose women, and much ale-swilling in Dickensian taverns. Could anything be further from the truth?

Anyway, the weekend was great and just the break I needed. I was staying with friends who had 'surprised' me with a ticket to see Alicia Keys. Now, you know how much I value friendship, but there are some things that even the strongest friendship can never recover from.

I'm not saying the concert was bad. I'm saying it was dreadful.

Just the worst thing I've ever been to in my life. To say it was cruise-ship entertainment would be doing a disservice to all of the professionals currently hoofing their way around the med.

She started with a song that involved a lot of warbling. It's not that there wasn't much variety, but the same song continued for an hour and a half, then she sang 'Falling'. Then we left.

The evening wasn't lost, however, as we met up with more friends and worked our way through the cocktail list at the local high-class-hostelry. This seemed to set the tone for the weekend, and it descended into two days of cocktails, hangovers, scary bars, scarier clubs and propositions that were gigglingly rejected. We were like a bunch of schoolgirls let loose in London town.

At City Airport, and in the 'holding pen' before boarding the flight home, I decided to do my usual 'pass five minutes' exercise. I like to look around to see a) who I'd like to sit next to (and there were a few guys who fell into this category) and b) who I'm most likely to sit next to.

In category b, there was no competition - a huge (I mean huge) American guy, with perspiration issues who kept shouting 'Can someone just open a freaking window in here'. The room was crowded but there was no-one standing within five feet of him.

Naturally, by the time I got to my seat (3C, aisle seat, front row of economy, god bless Air France for knowing me so well) I was sat next to said 'big guy'.

Luckily, there was an empty seat between us. He called the steward and asked for a 'belt extender' because 'the belts on this type of aircraft are always so short'. Then proceeded to huff and puff his way into said belt contraption.

I closed my eyes, thought of Geneva and the next thing I know, we're hitting the Swiss tarmac.

"You snored" sneered the big American.

"Yeah? Well now you know how your wife feels" said I, and I skipped off the plane, homeward bound.

14 commentaires:

CawfeeGuy a dit…

goddamn americans!

Lewis a dit…

The fat American you've described is representative of a huge majority. Increasingly. It's disgusting. And working on board an airplane, I can tell you countless stories about fat people with no regard for anyone around them.

The Hangar Queen a dit…

Superb riposte.

I might have also went with "but you ate ALL the cakes."

I spent 11hrs in the air yesterday and it tested my love of flying to the point where,in a similar situation,I may well have countered with a "Fuck.Off.And.Die."

CawfeeGuy a dit…

he was probably from New Jersey...

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Don't get me wrong - i'm not exactly tiny myself, but this guy was immense.

It wasn't so much his fatness, that repelled me, so much as his rudeness, his sweatiness and his bad, bad attitude.

He was just nasty.

aims a dit…

Okay - I have to say - How come you have all the fun?! :)

softinthehead a dit…

I loved the "schoolgirls let loose in London" comment as it reminded me of when my friends and I would get a Red Bus Rover and go up for day and walk around Harrods pretending to be French (for some reason) - we thought it was hilarious - such innocent times because believe it or not there was no alcohol involved. Can you tell I am old!!! Loved Hangar Queen's comment and know the feeling.

eguinan a dit…

Goodness, I was in Islington all weekend AND I flew with Air France AND they put me the first row after business class AND there was a hottie beside me on the way back this morning (a Dutch pilot).

OMG, we have so much in common! Let's get married!

Breezy a dit…

Excellent comeback. I'd of thought of that about halfway through passport control

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Aims and SITH, the weekend was as much fun as it sounded, despite the dodgy Alicia Keys start. It truly was very funny.

Breezy, I don;'t believe you - I think you'd have come straight back at him with a gem of a retort....

And Enda, look at us - we're like twins, separated at birth! It may be a little early to talk about wedding bells, but hey, you could do worse....ha ha.

Swearing Mother a dit…

The cheeky sod!

Stew a dit…

2 lines here made me laugh out loud:
'I'm not saying the concert was bad. I'm saying it was dreadful.'
and
"Yeah? Well now you know how your wife feels" said I, and I skipped off the plane, homeward bound.

Quality

Valleys Mam a dit…

I had one of those needs to reply today. I went back to my car in a car park to be harangued by a young woman-" I couldn't get my child in his seat because of your car" Astonished look from me, my car was parked properly in between the lines in a not over large space. She continued, I couldn't open my door, I had to move my car - me thinking, and that's my problem. She was really rude. My reposte - use the mother and toddler spaces where I do not have to be bothered by your child needs, or learn to park your car to suit your needs properly. Not as good as yours and I am normally very sympathetic to women with kids, but this one took the biscuit

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Nice one VM - maybe she was having a bad day, but making her problem your problem, or even your fault is pretty shit.

I like the line "use the mother and toddler spaces where I do not have to be bothered by your child needs"...you go, girl!!