A bit on the side

Last night I went to the cinema - I saw Loin de la Terre Brulée (the Burning Plain) with Kim Basinger and Charlize Theron. I didn't actually go to see it with them, they were in the film. But I guess that me, Charlie and Kimmy would make up quite a cinema-going threesome.

The girls would have to be prepared to take a backseat while I got all the attention from the man-candy, but hey, they'd cope.

Anyway, enough of this ridiculousness. The film was pretty much about adultery and how, at the time, it can be beautiful and fulfilling, yet the life wrecking and devastating consequences can linger for far longer than the affair itself.

It was beautifully filmed and set in the very photogenic New Mexican desert, with forays into the Port of Portland, Oregan.

But you know me, I don't do movie reviews. If I'm talking about how someone got 'two thumbs up' you can be pretty sure it's not movie-talk, he he. So why am I telling you about this?

Well, it seems that recently I discovered an illicit affair in the midst of some business associates of mine. I worry that I have business associates, but hey, these folk aren't colleagues and they aren't friends, so what else are they? Anyway, this movie made me think of them.

I have used both of their services (one of them is financial, the other legal) at different times over the past couple of years and have gotten to know them very well. He's a louche, mid-fifties, well put together guy with - I imagine - the equivalent of French blue blood. She's a stunning - if severe - lady of the same age, with a tightly pinned chignon, a Chanel suit and shoes to die for.

Both are married. Both to other people.

A couple of weeks ago I happened to bump into them both at the same event. Firstly, I happened upon each of them separately. This is how it went.

"Hey there, how are you?" said I to the Gent of the pair.

"Yeah, great thanks. Just back from a lovely weekend in Venice", he replied.

"Nice", said I. "Did you do much sightseeing?"

"Well", he said and winked, "does the hotel bedroom count as sightseeing?"

Hmm. So it was a dirty weekend then.

A short while later, I happened upon Madame.

"I'm just back from Italy. I was in Venice you know", she said.

"Ah Monsieur 'X' told me he's just back from Venice too", said I, not very diplomatically.

I've never seen a woman blush so quickly and so deeply.

Having realised my error, I made my excuses and skipped off in search of another coupe de champagne.

But then dinner was served and I was able to observe their interaction with one another. They pretty much danced around each other, taking great care to not end up near each other at table, and to avoid eye contact. To the unsuspecting eye, they were acting normally - but to me they seemed to be overacting their parts somewhat.

I happened to be near the entrance to the venue when the carriages arrived to take everyone home (I mean taxis, natch). I went over to shake his hand as Monsieur headed out to find his cab. He looked uncomfortable and I soon realised why - waiting for me to disappear was Madame. As I left him and went back inside, she joined him and they hopped into a cab, heading off together into the Paris evening.

To be honest, I don't care what they get up to. I hope that no-one is getting hurt, but equally I hope the sex is fantastic - I imagine it would be, knowing them both as I do.

I have a meeting with him next week.

The big worry is that he'll give me details. The bigger worry is that I'll say something completely and utterly inappropriate.

I've never really been the queen of tact....maybe I should take Debbie with me to 'curb my enthusiasm'?