mardi 24 mars 2009

Packing a punch

My mother arrives today, Tuesday.  She's coming with her posse, her entourage.

She'll arrive at 5pm with her sister (who is 72 years old and who showed me her tits last time she visited) and my cousin (50 years old, very important job, very little common sense).  Between the three of them they will cause mayhem, chaos and disaster.

Please don't start to rub your hands together with glee at the fact that my 'holiday en famille' will deliver blog posts extraordinaires.  Please think about me, my mental health, my lack of 'amour' for a week and the fact that I have to sleep on the sofa.  

Anyway, the madness has already begun.

"Hello Bab, it's me.  Your Mom",  she said, calling me earlier yesterday evening.  "Can you help me pack?"

"Hello Mom, yes I can help you pack.  It's very easy, given that I'm in France and you're the other side of the channel".  Obviously I only said the first of these two sentences.  "What's up?"

"Well, your Aunt is bringing no t-shirts and you know she suffers with the heat.  And your cousin isn't bringing a coat.  She says she'll buy one if she needs one,"  she took a breath. "So what do I do?"

"You worry about your packing and ignore them", said I, helpfully.

We decided this was the best thing to do and off she went to pack.  I continued my journey home.

Within ten minutes the phone rang again.

"How many pairs of trousers is too many?"

"Erm, twelve? seventeen? thirty two?"

"Don't be facetious", she said, pronouncing it with a hard 'c', like it should be spelt facketious.  "Is four too many?"

"No Mom, four is fine".

"And I have fourteen tops.  Is that too many?"

"Yes Mom, that's officially too many".  And at this point, dearest reader of mine, I gave in.  I gave her what she wanted. 

"Listen Mom, do you have a pen?  Good.  Why don't you bring four pairs of trousers - two jeans two fairly smart.  One skirt.  One light jacket or cardigan, one warm jumper.  Bring a different top for every day and one that's good for a fancy dinner.  And a waterproof coat.  Pack a pair of underwear for each day and three spare, and don't forget your toothbrush".

"Perfect", she said.  "I knew you'd know what to do.  Your brother just told me not to be so stupid and to get on with it".

Sometimes I think my brother has got it right.

17 commentaires:

12ontheinside a dit…

I'm going to a cottage on the south coast of NSW for Easter. I'll be away 4 full days, 4 nights. It might be warm enough to swim but might not, it usually rains at Easter. Can you please provide me with a list of what to pack. So far I have a case of beer and half a dozen bottles of really good champagne. Thanks so much! ;)

A Lewis a dit…

Hey now, is there room on that sofa for two? Because I'd love to snuggle up there with you like a fly on the wall...just for all of the entertainment purposes. I'll bring out the rosary beads for you.

Ben a dit…

It goes with the territory: from the day you're confirmed as Dotty's pal women will gravitate towards you with their relationship/wardrobe dilemmas. Some will possibly also think you're automatically bestowed Will Young's phone number.

Anonyme a dit…

I think you left "the name of a good hotel" of the list

thoughts are with you!!

Z

travelling, but not in love a dit…

12oti - you going anywhere near Mystery Bay? I love it there. I'd pack a raincoat and a glittery swimsuit. You never know.

Lewis, there's not room for one, let alone two. Truly, I hang over the edges ;-)

Ben - so you don't have Will's number? I do....

Z - possibly the best suggestion ever. And there IS a hotel next door...

conortje a dit…

you have many talents Travelling - I will be calling you next time I need to pack!

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Big C, you're easy to pack for...

Waistcoat, vest, hat, waistcoat, vest, hat, fancy underpants, waistcoat, vest, hat....

wontletlifedefineme a dit…

My mum calls me to help her pack too. I almost have a photographic memory of her wardrobe now.

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Marjolein, that'd be a help. Alas, my mother changes hers so often that keeping up is impossible...

Elfinamsterdam a dit…

I know what you mean.
My mum calls me to help her write the Christmas cards, do the packing, fix the TV, put manners on my nephew, chose paint colors... you name it.

My sister (the owner of above nephew) lives 3mins down the road and is there every day. But I'm the one that gets asked, and I'm living in Amsterdam (and was an hour away in Dublin before that)

Mostly cause my sister "is no use at all" and everytime I wonder if this is a deliberate policy my sister has to be generally useless and so she gets out of helping at anything.

Elf

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Elf, my brother also lives 500 metres down the road from my Mom, but whenever I turn up to see her, she has a list of jobs for me.

And she too says that it's because my brother is 'useless'.

I think he's created that role for himself on purpose...

Louise a dit…

Your brother DOES have it right, but what a good son you are--if prodded into it.

And I DO fear for your mental health. Please take charge and don't let them drag you to too many questionable places. And find your aunt a man so she'll show someone else her tits!

Pure Poser a dit…

i can't stand my mum when it comes to packing! she's always double checking 'have you got spare undies?', 'are you sure you want to pack a thong?'

my reaction is 'jesus christ, i have and i'll pack whatever i want!'

she drives me insane.


(btw, i bet you don't look 39)

Daryl a dit…

I love your mother because she isnt mine ... mine tho I adored her, drove me MAD .. and I must say you pack very well ..

cb a dit…

your faKEEshousness is going to get you in real trouble someday

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Louise, she has a man. A perfectly reasonable one (if he is a bit of a tightwad) at that. It's all a bit crazy tbh...

Poser, all mom's are the same - they spend thirty years making sure we have everything we need then the balance changes and they want to know if they have everything they need instead. Craziness. And you're right - I don't look my age, he he....

travelling, but not in love a dit…

D, it's all about making a decision as to where the cut off point lies, I find. I'm talking about packing btw, although the same could easily apply to mothers....

CB, I certainly hope so. And I think that day may be towards the end of May...