dimanche 15 mars 2009

Being taken up Lickey End

It's been one of those weekends. You know the kind. Ridiculous verging on, erm, even more ridiculous (?).

So it started with the brother and his diagnosis, which soon turned into a wound-licking extravaganza that would have benefitted from a Celine Dion soundtrack (God help us all), such was the level of drama and self-indulgence. I'm sympathetic to his cause, but really - there are other topics for discussion this weekend too you know!

'Such as?', I hear you ask. Well, such as the Christmas party.

No naked factory boys this year (we all breathe a huge sigh of relief). Instead the powers that be decided that a horse racing theme was the way forward. So, I'm sat sandwiched between two devoutly Muslim colleagues, drinking myself into a big old gay stupour, whilst gambling imaginary money on imaginary horseraces. In how many ways did all that insult them?

Luckily, the horse racing fell at a very early hurdle, as most people stopped playing and started serious drinking. I think the company giving everyone £20 of drinks vouchers was possibly a mistake. The dancefloor became a hotbed of slurry banter, inappropriate touching and dancing that can only be described as 'regrettable'.

Two thirty a.m. and I find myself leading a group of colleagues to a local gay bar where we dance ourselves dizzy to a rather fetching Spice Girls medley and an unfortunate remix of American Boy. I'm not sure how many of these colleagues really knew where they were - several asked me afterwards if I'd seen the boys kissing. Erm, yeah....that'd have been me then, ha ha.

Suffice to say that Saturday was a bit of a write off. I woke up in the hotel room surrounded by the detritis of my life - empty chip papers, cans of pre-mix gin and tonic and a half smoked spliff. There may well have been a colleague in there somewhere, but I'm not really supposed to say. Ask me and I'll deny it.

Sunday saw me waking up at my Mom's house. She does like to see me when I'm in the country.

She woke me up with the usual 'breakfast platter' - a glass of chocolate milk and three biscuits. Truly, this is her idea of a good way to start the day. Is it any wonder that I, well, everything really?

"I've got a great idea", she said, talking ten to the dozen, trying to get everything out before I fell back asleep.

And that's how, at nine a.m. on a Sunday morning, I found myself - having climbed a not inconsiderable hill - stood in the sunshine, looking out over a glorious, blue sky-ed view of the City of Birmingham.

The name of the local beauty spot? Lickey End.

I kid ye not.

17 commentaires:

alan a dit…

I specifically remember you texting me that you were on your best behaviour!

Kissing, spliffs and colleagues, eh?

Fantastic!

12ontheinside a dit…

Lickey End? Who comes up with these ideas!

A Lewis a dit…

I'm sorry, you've been taking it up where????

Anonyme a dit…

Ah good old lickey end!!!
I'm soooooooo glad I finally escaped the area of my childhood
I think I threw up in a car park there once !
Not sure if it was the alcohol or the ambience of the general area

Sounds like visiting the folks holds the same demons for both of us

Z

conortje a dit…

indeed mister what's this about a colleague in your room????

aims a dit…

OMG! It's almost as if your mother knew!

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Alan, as I said, all is to be denied. Except kissing and spliffs, he he...

12oti - Lickey End is quite cool, it's part of the Lickey Hills. Not far away is the peaceful village of Bell End - I kid ye not - which is not such a great address....

Lewis - stop yourself. bad man...

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Z - you remember the copper coin? That was a hangout when I was younger....ah those were the days. And I'm pretty sure we've thrown up in the same car park....I want to know more about you now!!!

Big C, as I said, I deny everything...

Aims, that woman knows everything. EVERYTHING. Unfortunately....

cb a dit…

More details of naked colleagues in your bed, s'il vous plait!!

travelling, but not in love a dit…

CB - you won't get that from me, monsieur. sorry;

Daryl a dit…

Pass me the rest of the spliff, please

Pure Poser a dit…

lickey end? bell end? whoever made these up clearly has a one track mind.

it's just..... ah feck i can't think of anything to describe it!

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Daryl, avec plaisir, ma cherie...

Poser, it's kind of horrible when you think about it..."just taking the kids up Lickey End"....nasty.

12ontheinside a dit…

part of the LICKEY HILLS? HA! Excuse me while I snort coffee all over my desk (I am, after all, 12 on the inside, despite my look of maturity!)

softinthehead a dit…

OMG you won't believe what I was thinking when I saw that title hehe !!! You've lead far too sheltered an existence!! :)

Louise a dit…

I can't decide if I like the breakfast platter or the Lickey End best. Or "regrettable" on the dance floor.

I guess it's probably the people at the gay bar that didn't know where they were. THAT is funny!

travelling, but not in love a dit…

12oti, I knew you'd like that...he he

Softy, I've led many a thing (including horses to water, where they did surprisingly drink), but one thing I've not led is a sheltered existence, he he!

Louise, it was all pretty much a car crash....and most of it regrettable....lol