mercredi 13 mai 2009

Do you need me to spell that? G. A. Y.

My boss is due to arrive at lunchtime. We have a meeting with our French accountants in their swish offices at the back of the Champs Elysées - I've even put on a suit for the occasion (navy blue, for those of you interested, Calvin Klein shirt, no tie).

Anyway, me and my boss go back years. She's been my boss for, like, ever and we know each other very well. We've travelled all over together and seen each other at our respective bests and worsts.

Goodness only knows, then, why she still insists on telling me how pretty/intelligent/charming the latest female addition to the staff is. She's desperate for me to get married, despite the obvious barrier.

One of my earliest memories of Boss Lady sees us at the Dorchester in London, chatting to Sir Bernard Ingham - former press secretary to Margaret Thatcher, who now fills his time with after dinner speaking, spouting views on immigrants and 'the poor' and generally making a nuisance of himself.

"Hello Sir Bernard", said BL, swooning. "I'm from Yorkshire too, you know!"

"Hello dear, lovely to meet a Yorkshire lass". Both Sir Bernard and BL have accents that could cut glass, such is their poshness. Both are typical conservative, boarding school, old money sorts. Neither has been to Yorkshire for decades, yet to hear them talk it was like they were regulars on the set of Emmerdale.

"This is TBNIL," said BL, introducing me. "We're lucky to have him with us today - he's usually jetting off somewhere, flying the company flag overseas".

"Oh really," said Sir Bernard. "And how does the missus feel about this?"

I tried to answer but BL got in there first.

"Oh he's not married you know - girl in every port this one, ha ha"

"Yeah," said I. "Something like that".

So the function continued and I find myself alone with BL. I ask her why she said that I have a "girl in every port".

"Well, you know dear - I don't want him to think that you're a queer!" she said.

"But I am," said I. "I am a queer. I'm a homo, a fag, a gay, a big old pufftah - as well you know!".

"Now really," she said. "There's no need to be coarse".

And that was the end of that conversation. Ever since, she keeps telling me about the new girls in the office, inviting me to dinner with her and a single friend, asking me if I've found a nice French girl yet. Every time she gets the same answer.

"I'm gay. You know I'm gay. Stop doing this."

I think she just does it to wind me up now. Surely no-one can be that stupid?

Anyway, I'm taking her to dinner in Paris tonight and my Lovely Paris Friend (now living in the South) is coming along. After a couple of hours with both of us, she'll soon realise that I dance at the other end of the ballroom.

Well, let's hope, anyway. I'm kind of bored of being an elgibile bachelor.

23 commentaires:

The Mutant a dit…

Perhaps she has her eye on you? I know many a straight woman who has spent years pining for a gay man, be it housemate, workmate or other associate... You can say it as often as you like, but she'll never hear you.

Just a thought - I have no idea what this woman is actually like of course!

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Mutant, well she has always had a soft spot for me, this I know. But I think it's more a 'nice boss' thing than anything else.

Maybe I could use this to my advantage when it comes to negotiating a payrise?

Anonyme a dit…

Hi TBNIL,
been lurking for a while, yes its very annoying to have to keep reminding people best of luck with the dinner and leave her in no doubt which team you bat for - that could be fun !!
James

Alan a dit…

she just needs a floor show, is all. That'll set her right

Elfinamsterdam a dit…

One of my bosses - yes for my sins I have a few - does a similar thing to me.

She has known me for 7yrs and I've always been out to her, but she keeps saying the time is coming when I'll realize its just a phase.

It was a "joke" for a long time and now its just annoying. Even more annoying that once she tried to feel me up.

Play it easy on the floor show, you like your job as it is.

Henry North London a dit…

Its like my parents, Whenever I have a female friend they get all excited...

Im in a long running phase of 13 years and counting

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Hi James - always happy when a lurker speaks, he he! I think she'll be in no doubt after the fabulous evening we have planed...

Alan, maybe she needs a shower show...we all know those go down well...

Elf, how awful that she tried to feel you up! Goodness. And 'it's a phase you're going through?' really. Are these people in the dark ages?

Henry - that's quite a phase, young man!

Daryl a dit…

Clearly she is traveling the river Denial ...

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Oh D, she is so far beyond denial. It's like she meant to get off the train at denial and fell asleep, waking up in "eyes closed to anything I don't want to see" territory.

Pure Poser a dit…

Being a girl myself and after analysing your boss' behaviour,I've come to the conclusion that she's hard of hearing, winding you up and wants to shag you herself. lol

Just openly snog your friend at the dinner. That would make me laugh if I could see her face. And a laugh is what I need right now...

aims a dit…

My dear mother never gave up hope that she'd see my brother with a wife in a frilly apron. I kept telling her that she would - only he'd be wearing pants under the frills.

She never gave up!

cb a dit…

Coarse? COARSE??? Try filthy.

Victor a dit…

There are none so blind...and all that...

12ontheinside a dit…

That's very odd. I suspect it is like my other half's dad, who is good friends with a lovely young couple (both men). He's taken them under his wing and is helping them with old house restoration. He refuses to acknowledge they might possibly be gay despite the fact they are buying a house together, own a cat together, hold hands, etc. He swears they are just good mates. I find it really odd.

The Hangar Queen a dit…

I can just see this as a series on Logo.

The Blockcage!

amy a dit…

Maybe she read your previous post - based on that what is missing from your life is a wife! Not a question of gay or straight, man, woman - just someone to take care of you. Even when I'm somebody else's, I often wish I could have one of my own.

but then how could you get up to all the fun you usually get up to?!

Anthony a dit…

Is she still on about that shit?

Henry North London a dit…

one needs a guy who would have fun with you and be a fabulous cook and a slut in the bedroom and great conversationalist

Pity that most of the time they dont come in one package.....

Im searching too but not finding as yet... God knows when it will happen but he hasnt let me know as yet and Im rapidly approaching 40 Shock horror

Please God Get me a boyfriend with the above qualities before I turn 40 or I might stop believing there is a God

Greg a dit…

Perhaps she's portraying the "girl in every port" because she feels it may turn clients off. Silly in this day and age, but that happens here in the States quite a bit.

Stew a dit…

Gay bad for business? Au contraire. I'm considering fucking men coz it seems that it makes you rich:
http://www.reuters.com/article/deborahCohen/idUSTRE4AR5WQ20081128?pageNumber=1&virtualBrandChannel=0

"While all Americans are curbing spending, gay and lesbians are tightening their belts less than heterosexual couples, said Bob Witeck, chief executive of Witeck-Combs Communications, a marketing research firm that specializes in the gay market.
Among his findings: gay men have fewer children, bear a smaller financial burden from families and are less likely to worry about savings. Lesbian women were also cutting back less in areas such as spending on restaurants.
The power of the so-called pink-dollar is well documented. The nation's estimated 15.7 million gay men and lesbians, about 5 percent of the population, are responsible for $724 billion in annual spending, according to Witeck-Combs and Packaged Facts, a division of Marketresearch.com.

That number is growing. Individuals age 18 or older who self-identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender are projected to reach 16.3 million in three years, spending $835 billion annually -- a figure that translates into $51,200 per person a year, the Witeck/Packaged Facts study shows.

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Poser - she's not hard of hearing, she's not winding me up...so that only leaves one option, ha ha!

Aims - I guess some people just don't get it!

CB - I tried filthy. I liked it....

Victor - I couldn't agree more.

travelling, but not in love a dit…

HQ - if you know anyone in tv, send them my way...!

Amy, I think i'd be willing to give it a whirl...

LaTanya, boy is she. Ridiculous...

travelling, but not in love a dit…

henry - before 40? I only have two months...eek!

Greg, I do work in a really male dominated, macho world. But nonetheless, she needs to wake up - there's some serious coffee to be smelled!

Stew, just be sure to let me know if you do ;-)