dimanche 31 août 2008

Dry-weave top sheet

Spending time around the family is having many effects on me. Largely it is making me desperate to get home, back to Paris.

It's also making me realise how much I'm missing - the niece and nephew growing up is pretty sad to be missing; my mother's behaviour I'm less keen to see regularly.

So, I'm playing with my niece - aged 4 and three weeks - and she declares that she needs a diaper for her dolly (the imaginatively named 'baby boy'). Grandma is called out of the kitchen where my brother was 'advising' her on various decisions that he feels she is unable to make for herself.

"Grandma, can I have a nappy for baby boy?" says Niece.

"Er, er, I'm not sure Grandma has got any at the moment sweetheart" said Grandma, with a look on her face that said 'once again they're all going to think I'm crazy'.

"I know where they are" said Niece. "I'll go get them". And off she runs, faster than Grandma can stop her.

Two minutes later and Niece re-appears in the living room with a packet of Grandma's panty liners in her hand.

"Here they are, Grandma".

I honestly thought my brother was going to choke - he's never been one for ladies 'events'.

So it seems that my Mother has been giving her Grand-daughter panty liners to use as diapers for her dolls. And it seems it's been going on for a while. Closer inspection revealed many of the dolls that Niece keeps at Gran's house to be thus 'padded out'.

Now, I'm trying to be enlightened about this, but the sight of my 4 year-old Niece taking the backing tape off of a sanitary device and wrapping the towel, wings and all, around baby boy's plastic arse was a little weird, to say the least.

Will someone please just get me out of here.

19 commentaires:

A Lewis a dit…

But, wait! i want a panty liner. please, oh please. and as for mother's behaviour, how about mother-in-law's behaviour...does that count as something I could do without??? best wishes for a speedy return to gay Paris!

Louise a dit…

And this is why you spend more of your free time hanging out with your friends drinking too much!

Rob a dit…

Oh dear, I'm sure it seemed like a good idea at the time - poor Grandma, and poor you. Some moments just aren't meant to happen. I think this was one of them, like when visiting an elderly neighbour she told me she just couldn't get all her vacation clothes into her suitcase. No problem, says me, I'm great at packing I assure her, simultaneously grabbing the bag and opening it only to have thousands of liners fly out in all directions. I ran screaming from the apartment and drowned myself in the Thames River outside. Well, the thought crossed my mind in that split second before calmly picking up all liners and neatly returning them to the bag along with the extra bits and saving us both from embarrassment with my marvellous packing skills. Poetic licence allows me some latitude - it wasn't the Thames outside. We actually lived in the Grand Union Canal.

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Lewis, you get no panty liner, as I always imagine you (when I think of you on those long lonely nights..) as not being a wearer of the panty. I don't know why, you just strike me as the sort...;-)

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Louise, you hit the nail on the head there. Now if you could just explain the same to my family, I'd be very grateful dear!

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Rob, you're a very brave man.

The thought of even just opening an old lady's suitcase fills me with fear - I can only imagine the hot-wash-grey bloomers, droopy brassieres, and nasty nightwear that would touch me....

conortje a dit…

heheh not long to go now - you can do it. Have I ever told you my towels story? http://conortje.wordpress.com/2007/04/27/toys-for-boys/

wontletlifedefineme a dit…

It's all for a good cause, you won't miss them so much when you're back in Paris!

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Big C, that's quite the story...well done you and your inquiring mind.

I'd imagine the dry weave top sheet came in handy for sweaty boy-feet too!

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Marjolein, I can;t wait!

tornwordo a dit…

That makes me smile.

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Torny, glad to be of service...

aims a dit…

Now wait just a second here TBNIL. There might come a day when some sanitary apparatus of some sort might come in handy for you. So stop your shuddering! You never know when you might need something really absorbent - like to cover a huge gaping wound - or perhaps some incontinence pads? That day might yet come for you darling boy.

As for packing old ladies suitcases? I've heard that covering your articles that you are trying to sneak into another country with sanitary pads keeps the custom's officer from having a good look and discovering them. We aren't all crazy you know!

Daryl a dit…

I am SO laughing ...

Sorry.

:-Daryl

Valleys Mam a dit…

what an imaginative grandma, and so liberated

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Aims - sanitary towels to cover a huge gaping wound? Hmm.... (apologies to every woman reading this).

Daryl, it was funny, honest

VM - sometimes a bit too liberated for her own good!

Mike a dit…

this is PRICELESS! :-D

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Hey Mike - it is quite classy, isn't it? tee hee.

Swearing Mother a dit…

Just make sure those panty-liners have wings, Travelling, then you can fly back to Paris.

Talking about weird activities with sanitary devices, my son when aged about eight helped himself to a Tampax from a pack in the airing cupboard. He took the cotton wool bit out of the tube and with a felt tipped pen drew in little mousey eyes, ears and whiskers, coloured the string black and left it on his sister's plate at dinner time. He told her the cat had brought in a dead mouse for her tea. She burst into tears and battered him with her shoe.

Oh, happy times, how we laughed.