Last night I went to the theatre. The Theatre Chatelet - which is a lovely old barn of a venue, but the balconies have supporting posts that make for poor viewing for 50% of the seats up there. I had a seat with a crap view, but I moved.
This turned out to be a big mistake.
As soon as I moved, someone else jumped into my seat, so there was no going back. And I'd sat myself down next to a typical Bobo mother and her chatty, chatty, CHATTY child. After ten minutes of his running commentary, I had to ask his mother to shut him up.
"But he's only a small child" she said. "he doesn't know how to behave".
"Well then maybe he shouldn't be here, if that's the case", said I.
Mother tutted and child was quiet. For a while.
The show was Edward Scissorhands - the Matthew Bourne ballet version (very good, see it if you can). The production is pretty true to the film, and Edward does marvellous things with bushes and hairdo's before being seduced by the local slut and becoming an outcast. it's all very sad.
A short while in there's a scene where there are a couple of people holding up 'vote for Upton' signs - it seems the mayoral election is on. This pleased chatty child no end.
"Maman, regarde! Il ya une manifestation!" he yelled. "J'adore les manifestations". (look Mom, a demonstration! - I love demonstrations)
It seems the spirit of '68 is alive and kicking.
And then every time a scene ended he would say "is it the interval?".
When the interval finally did come, there was a treat waiting for everyone sat in the surrounding seats. 'Mommy' got out a big envelope from her bag and from the envelope took out a contact sheet of photographs.
"Darling, tell Mommy which one of the photo's you like the best. Which one does Mommy look prettiest in?"
Well, I had to look, didn't I?
The photo's were of 'Mommy' lay naked on a bed. Artistically naked, not slutty naked, admittedly, but it would be hard to say that Mommy looked 'pretty' in any of these shots.
It looked like she had a dirty great bathmat in her lap. She didn't, it was just her lady garden, which had overgrown somewhat.
The small child said he didn't like any of the pictures. Apparently Mommy looked dead in them and he didn't like that.
"Oh well", she said. "I guess I'll have to ask Uncle Georges to take some more".