mercredi 29 octobre 2008

Topiary treats and overgrown gardens

Last night I went to the theatre. The Theatre Chatelet - which is a lovely old barn of a venue, but the balconies have supporting posts that make for poor viewing for 50% of the seats up there. I had a seat with a crap view, but I moved.

This turned out to be a big mistake.

As soon as I moved, someone else jumped into my seat, so there was no going back. And I'd sat myself down next to a typical Bobo mother and her chatty, chatty, CHATTY child. After ten minutes of his running commentary, I had to ask his mother to shut him up.

"But he's only a small child" she said. "he doesn't know how to behave".

"Well then maybe he shouldn't be here, if that's the case", said I.

Mother tutted and child was quiet. For a while.

The show was Edward Scissorhands - the Matthew Bourne ballet version (very good, see it if you can). The production is pretty true to the film, and Edward does marvellous things with bushes and hairdo's before being seduced by the local slut and becoming an outcast. it's all very sad.

A short while in there's a scene where there are a couple of people holding up 'vote for Upton' signs - it seems the mayoral election is on. This pleased chatty child no end.

"Maman, regarde! Il ya une manifestation!" he yelled. "J'adore les manifestations". (look Mom, a demonstration! - I love demonstrations)

It seems the spirit of '68 is alive and kicking.

And then every time a scene ended he would say "is it the interval?".

When the interval finally did come, there was a treat waiting for everyone sat in the surrounding seats. 'Mommy' got out a big envelope from her bag and from the envelope took out a contact sheet of photographs.

"Darling, tell Mommy which one of the photo's you like the best. Which one does Mommy look prettiest in?"

Well, I had to look, didn't I?

The photo's were of 'Mommy' lay naked on a bed. Artistically naked, not slutty naked, admittedly, but it would be hard to say that Mommy looked 'pretty' in any of these shots.

It looked like she had a dirty great bathmat in her lap. She didn't, it was just her lady garden, which had overgrown somewhat.

The small child said he didn't like any of the pictures. Apparently Mommy looked dead in them and he didn't like that.

"Oh well", she said. "I guess I'll have to ask Uncle Georges to take some more".

34 commentaires:

Valleys Mam a dit…

LOL how did you restrain yourself
Were they planted by the management do you think.
Would it ever happen over here -social services would have had her for abuse.
Ychaf i

travelling, but not in love a dit…

VM - I feel so very British in these situations. I'm sure it's me who needs to loosen up...

Valleys Mam a dit…

Cultural conditioning is hard to ditch.
Our attitudes to sex, gender and any thing allied is narrow, being married to a Scandinavian has shown me that in spades

travelling, but not in love a dit…

VM - I bet you've had a few rude awakenings along the way...in both senses of the expression ;-)

Scandinavians wouldn't have looked twice at the photo's, I'm sure...

wontletlifedefineme a dit…

Oh that is just gross!

And if a child doesn't know how to behave the mother could at least make an attempt at teaching it how to behave...

conortje a dit…

Sounds like she was just the blank canvass that Edward needed to practise on :-)

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Marjolein - my thoughts indeed. Alas, she wasn't that kind of mother....

Conor, he could have carved something spectacular out of it. Not that anyone would have wanted to see....

tornwordo a dit…

Ah so French that. I remember when I first arrived here and on TV they had a documentary about children and sexuality. They showed a little girl and boy "exploring" each other's genitals. Totally innocent. I was horrified of course. That kind of thing would land everyone involved in jail down in the states. I think it's we English speakers who are the most prudish of all lol.

Louise a dit…

Half the time I read you I think you have to be making this stuff up. Although in our house we are somewhat immodest (the girls and I especially), I cannot IMAGINE doing something like this. Modesty aside, why would I think anyone would want to see me in that way? I'll stop short of saying this is a bit disgusting with the son critiquing, but there is a fine line between proper and improper, and I think the line here is a little blurry.

And as far as the ill-behavior, I'm glad you said what you did. Every opportunity is a learning opportunity, and if children cannot behave in such a place, they should not be there. I promise you that had I and my 4-year-old and 6-year-old been sitting next to you, you would have been nothing but charmed by them. (And I'm sure they charmed by you.) It is absolutely unacceptable for children to be beasts in such a place... no matter what their age. Call me mean, but people LIKE my children. If that is mean, then so be it.

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Torny, it was pretty French...and pretty random too.

The oddest thing I saw here recently was a poster advertising an exhibition for adolescents (it said 12 - 16 year olds) exploring their sexuality...the poster itself was enough to scare any decent parent!

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Louise, one of the reasons I write this blog is because I kept having these 'you couldn't make this up' experiences. So it doesn't surprise me that you may think it's fabricated.

Trust me, it isn't. I sometimes wish it was.

And as for well-behaved kids, well mu niece and nephew are 4 and 6 too and they also behave impeccably in public. I know that they would have sat there quiet and behaved. I'm pleased that you are teaching your kids great values - pleased, and not at all surprised!

cb a dit…

Wow. Seriously?? She brought fucking NUDIE pics of herself to the ballet???

WTF?

travelling, but not in love a dit…

CB - oh yes, she did. And she showed them to her six year-old son.

WTF indeed!

(oh, and welcome, btw...)

Daryl a dit…

But he's only a small child" she said. "he doesn't know how to behave".

Oh. My. Gawd.

:-Daryl

Daisy a dit…

Um... OMG!! There I was, reminiscing about how I was THROWN OUT of Cats! when I was 6... and then my eyes widened to saucers as I read on. I have been officially rendered AGOG!!!

Although not too agog to note that the word verification is bilbo!

aims a dit…

You tell all the best stories TBNIL. I know they aren't 'stories' but the truth....but still. Who could ever top your experiences?!

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Daryl - OMG indeed. What is she teaching the boy?

Daisy, agog is the right word. I truly was.

Aims! Welcome back! Praise indeed from the number one storyteller....

12ontheinside a dit…

Bwahaha!!!
I would not have been able to help but make some kind of wise crack at that.

Louise a dit…

I don't think you would fabricate anything, but it just seems so outrageous. It amazes me that people can amaze me so. But even my own family can (the bad branch),and I've dealt with them my whole life.

And WHAT will he write tomorrow?

Rob (Inukshuk Adventure) a dit…

Oh my what a perfectly "you" night out that one just couldn't make up. Gotta love Paris.

Ychaf i indeed VM.

Mike a dit…

i think i'm still transfixed on the words LADY GARDEN. oh my. maybe i should try to use that term in a sentence tomorrow.

travelling, but not in love a dit…

12oti - i truly has to stop myself. and I'm not good at stopping myself!

Kouise, well one day I will write the romanian grandma story for you....

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Rob, you really have gotta love Paris - it delivers at every turn. I feel like I've hit upon a very rich eam of strangeness!

Mike, do it, do it....and I want to know the sentence you used, and the reaction it got!

Breenlantern a dit…

This...did...not...really...happen. Sadly, I know it did. Man, you just can't make this stuff up. What a riot in a creepy kind of way. You're my hero for addressing the child...a much more civilized reaction than throwing him over the balcony...somethng I learn here too little too late


Typing from prison *snicker*

Sean

aims a dit…

You know sweetie - The Man and I stood here this morning reading your profile and we both had to wonder what GSOH meant. Truly. Sad isn't it?

We came up with some good ones ourselves before googling it....sigh.

The top one?

Good Soft Or Hard

second -

Gay Single Over Hard

Thought you'd like to know.

Stew a dit…

Lady garden indeed.

Is that why the french say "Fermez la bush" when they want you to be quiet?

Lane a dit…

Normally I steer well clear of this expression but

O M G.

and bleurggggh.


(I hope you managed to enjoy the second half after that interval)

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Hey Sean, hope they let you out soon. trust me, throwing him over the edge was to be my next move....

Aims! Good Sense Of Humour...did you never date on line? Althoug I do like Good Soft Or Hard, tee hee....

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Stew - that's narsty. real Narsty.

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Lane - I love OMG. I also love OMFG.

And the second half was fine. the dancing took my mind off the photo's.....almost

Swearing Mother a dit…

Maybe Edward Scissorhands could have helped a bit with that woman's pubic topiary?

travelling, but not in love a dit…

SM - he could have done something tres impressive with it ;-)

Brett a dit…

How can such a normal story turn out so wrong, having been approached to do so shots of a similar nature i wont forget to pack my scissors

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Brett - always pack the scissors baby. Really.