This used to be my life. It ws supposed to have calmed down. Instead, here I am at the Gare du Nord. It's 6am and I'm waiting for my train northwards, to a shitty town on the Belgian border. I'm just waiting for someone to jump out shouting "April fool!". Alas, I don't think they will.
I went out for a beer with le Parisien last night. And I came to some conclusions, made some decisions.
I like him. I like him a lot.
But I actually only like 80% of him.
I like that he makes me laugh. I like that he's as hot as hell. I like that we have things in common.
But it's the bit that I don't like that I think is finishing this for me.
I don't like that he's never happy to say "yes, let's do something again soon". I don't like that he's emotionally distant and yet really close at the same time. I struggle to see much beyond the facade and get an idea of the real person. He's a closed book and it's pretty firmly closed.
I'm an open book, a talker, a person who likes to know where he stands. I don't handle 'playing hard to get' or 'I'm an enigma' very well. It bores me, stresses me and makes me mildly neurotic. I prefer cards on tables. I hate being neurotic simply because the other person won't open up.
Now, maybe it's too soon to expect this from him. That's totally possible, but I'm usually pretty good at working someone out quickly. Maybe I'm so head over heels with the 80% that I want the other 20% immediately/too soon. Either way, I've made a decision.
I'm going to keep on enjoying the 80%, and keep my eyes open for someone who gives me the 100%.
Thinking that this boy is the be all and end all is not healthy for me, and will be the death of anything happening between us.
I'm moving on. But I'm not giving up.
Maybe something comes of this, maybe it doesn't. Either way, I'll find what I'm looking for.
I will, won't I?