mercredi 15 avril 2009

Ting Tong merrily on high


I got a call last week from a guy who wanted the exclusive distribution rights for my company's products in central France.

As this kind of thing is part of my thrilling, international jet-flying job, I organised to see him. This is how I ended up in a meeting room of a fancy pants hotel with him, his wife and Debbie. It's normal that husbands and wives end up doing this kind of thing as business partners, so it didn't surprise me that they were à deux.

However, I was a little surprised by the oddness of the couple. It didn't help that when Debbie came back from collecting them at the reception desk, she quickly came over to where I was sat and whispered in English "Wife - not daughter".

They entered the room.

He - fifty something, unattractive, badly dressed.

She - twenty something, podgy, dressed head to toe in pink leisurewear and a Thai girl of the mail order persuasion.

I smiled sweetly and introduced myself.

Small talk over, the conversation turned to business and the Wife soon lost interest. She perked up a little when I was trying to get a map back into a plastic tube. She took it off me, stood up and inserted it into its, erm, sheath, with a good deal of panache and a not small portion of sluttiness. Had she licked her finger when it was in, the scene would have been complete.

Now that the map was back in its home, she retook her seat. Well, she did once she had coquettishly walked behind her husband who patted her ass as she brushed up against him.

I ignored it all and continued to talk about profit margins, selling prices, exclusivity and non-compete clauses. All very dull.

Madame obviously foudn this very dull as within minutes of taking her seat, she fell asleep. Fast asleep.

Her head was back, her mouth was open and she was snoring. No, she wasn't snoring. She was gurgling.

I looked at her husband.

"She gets like this in the afternoon" he said, clearly disappointed.

"She must be tired" said I.

"Maybe she has jet lag" said Debbie. I tried not to show that on the inside I was pissing my panties laughing.

"Maybe" he said. "She's only been here a week. You wouldn't believe the trouble we had getting a visa for her."

"But she's worth every penny, no?" said Debbie.

*silence*

"So about that non-compete clause......." I said.

I don't think I've ever been quite so desperate to change a subject.

23 commentaires:

Margaret's Ramblings a dit…

Hahahahaha you crack me up. This is so funny. Did you seal the deal. I hope so.

Margaret

Myopic Psychotic a dit…

Hilarious x x x

wontletlifedefineme a dit…

Absolutely priceless! :D

Rob Inukshuk a dit…

Hilarious! Please tell me you signed the deal - so we can hear more of this delightful couple!!!

The Mutant a dit…

Wait I don't get what was so out of place with that story.

Was it the pink liesurewear?

They sound positively delightful!

conortje a dit…

I like Debbie more and more every day :-)

Pure Poser a dit…

haha! this as funny as the couple having the affair!

'worth every penny' oh thats a bad peice of irony! XD

Elfinamsterdam a dit…

Oh god!

Your life is just amazing!

That's just mental funny!

aims a dit…

*laughing hard*

Oh Debbie!

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Margaret - the deal is kinda sealed....time will tell tho...

MP, thanks. It made me giggle.

Marjolein - it was worth every penny of the train ticket!

Rob - I'm not sure if I want to hear too much more about them tbh...

travelling, but not in love a dit…

hey Mutant - they're a pretty much normal couple for Australia, no? ha ha

Big C, me too.

Poser - the affair couple was more troubling...

Elf, mental funny indeed. Amazing? or just ridiculous? hmm....

Aims, oh debbie indeed...they broke the mould with that one....

Daryl a dit…

Oh I am so laughing .. this is priceless!

cb a dit…

Debbie needs a filter between her brain and mouth.

amy a dit…

I love it! Oh, I want to be a wife like that, with nothing to do but nap and gurgle while my husband drones on ...

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Daryl, apparently there is a price...

CB, you add a filter, you lose the charm. I'm voting for no filter.....

Amy, I KNOW! That's the life I want. NOW!

david mcmahon a dit…

So.

She.

Was.

(Ahem)

Caught.

Napping.

Moannie a dit…

That is soooooooo funny! Tell me, is that what you would call a 'Trophy wife'?
Am absolutely going to have to come back and thanks to David at athourblog for finding you for his Post of the Day.

travelling, but not in love a dit…

David, napping indeed...bless her. Thanks for the POTD BTW...

Moannie, hey, welcome. And she wasn't much of a trophy but hey, one man's trophy and all that....

Butternut Squash a dit…

Great story telling! Is there any chance your client will read this post?

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Butternut, no, not really. Not unless he learns to read english...he he. The blog is pretty anonymous....but thanks for your concern and welcome!

James a dit…

I love watching odd and or eccentric people in action, now I also enjoy reading about them too.
I need a life, but thanks for the laugh. Great story.

The Pixy Princess a dit…

So THIS is why people say "don't read blogs at work" - because they trying to avoid situations like the one that just happened where I snorted into my coffee cup and then had to go get towels from the kitchen to wipe up the mess. And figure out how to hide the stains during this afternoon's meetings! *sigh*

BUT, a good laugh, is a good laugh. Thanks!

Anthony a dit…

*peeing pants laughing* ... dear oh dear