mardi 28 juillet 2009

The whole nine yards

So, I'm sat in the bar having a drink with the Fierce People and a couple of other friends.

This guy comes over, clearly drunk.  He turns to my Newly Forty Friend and says...

"You're sexy, man"

"Thanks"  says NFF, and carries on talking to us.

"I'm good at eating ass" says the drunk guy.  I apologise  for the potty talk, but that's what he said, in French.

"Whatever" says NFF.

"Well, how about this?"  says the guy.  "It's 23cms you know..."

And with that, he flops out one of the largest penises I have ever seen.  In the middle of the bar.  Opens the trousers and flops it out.  Just like that.

Well, it was impressive enough in terms of both length and girth, but that wasn't what will stick in my memory.

The penis, it seems, came with its own individual perfume.  A scent so strong and malodourous that I could smell it from where I was sat - at least ten feet away.  It smelt like a slice of gorgonzola that had been stuffed inside an old man's sock and left out in the sun for a day or two.

As eyes started to water and people started to dry retch, the NFF turned to the drunk guy.

"Think about washing it ever?" he said.

"Sometimes I wash him" said the drunk guy.  "But he doesn't like the water so much".

And with that, I picked up my drink and went in search of alternative entertainment.

France may be famous for cheese but, trust me, this was a fromage too far.

16 commentaires:

A Lewis a dit…

Served with crusty bread and wine as well? I'll be the first to admit that I dig man scents...I love men who smell like men....and I don't like deodorant. But raunchy sour icky is way too much for even me. I have had a few dudes open their jeans and flop IT out for me through the years...I've never complained.

The Mutant a dit…

Delightfully descriptive... I could just about smell the whole sage as it unfurled.

I particularly love that a French guy will say 23 centimetres instead of 9 inches. So metric-obsessed!

The Mutant a dit…

wait, wait... smell the whole SAGA. If his cock smelt like sage I'm sure the problem wouldn't have been nearly as entertaining

Brett a dit…

!

Rob Inukshuk a dit…

No words!

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Lewis, this wasn't a good man smell...trust me

Mutant, metric makes everything sound bigger, right?

Brett - ! right back at ya!

Rob, you have a point. I think.

Daryl a dit…

OH. MY. FEH.

travelling, but not in love a dit…

D, that's kind of my reaction too....

Pure Poser a dit…

Your too good at story telling. I'm sat in England and dry retching as I read! Ughh.....

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Poser, you're too young to even know what this is all about....surely?

Pure Poser a dit…

I may be young (16 isn't THAT young is it?)

But I'm not stupid :)

Anthony a dit…

How big is 23cm in a real measurement system?

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Poser, I never said you were. And yes, sixteen is young. From where I'm standing it is anyway, he he.

LaTanya, a good 9 inches or so. Enough?

The Hangar Queen a dit…

Nine?
Nein danke.

cb a dit…

Quelle fromage domage!

(yes, a joke in French!)

amandablogandkiss a dit…

hahahahaha! Fantastic story!