mardi 7 juillet 2009

My mom and the BBC (that's Big Black Cock, between you and me)

Now, you may think that this post title is just there to get me loads of extra hits.  Trust me it's not, but I've no doubt it'll up the numbers somewhat.  

I don't know about my fellow bloggers, but I use Google Analytics to keep track of readership stats, etc.  I know, it's a bit OCD of me, but I like to know how many people love me.  A usual month these days sees around 2500 visits - I'm not sure if that's good or bad, but it's a treat for my poor undernourished ego.  

Anyway, that's not what this is about.

You may remember my experience with the DumbAss Yank in Brussels at the Taschen store?  Well, stupidly (or brilliantly perhaps?) I ended up in the Paris branch of Taschen with my Mom last weekend.

I was hoping that she might spot something to buy me for my birthday in there.  She didn't.

Anyway, I had my head in a lovely book of Eero Saarinen architecture when I realised that I'd lost her.  She'd left the pretty architecture and fancy hotel section of the shop and was nowhere to be seen.

And then I found her.

In the 'adult' section.

Now, not only was she in the 'adult' section, but she'd found herself a lovely copy of the 'Big Penis Book' to leaf through.

When I caught up with her, she was flush of face and not a little giggly.

"What would you do with this, bab?" she asked, opening the book to reveal a photo of a black chap with a penis that could only be described as, erm, long, thin and scary.  Really, it was hanging to the middle of his shin.

"I guess you'd wear it as a scarf" I said, trying to sound comfortable with the conversation.

"Well, I think it's awful" she said.  "But this one...." and she turned to the page that her other finger had been marking.

This second page contained yet another 'gentleman of colour' and his member.  But this time the penis was meatier.  It was less long, but what it lacked in length - and it lacked nothing in length really, but was just not as much of a record breaker as the previous offering - anyway, what it lacked in length, it certainly made up for in girth.

"I like this one" she said.  

"Right" said I, now visibly squirming.  "Let's go".

I took her for ice cream at the gelateria next door in an attempt to take her mind of the book.

As she tucked into her ice cream - she chose 'dark chocolate and cream', no lie - she turned to me with a pensive, serious look on her face.

"It's a wonder that you and your brother aren't coffee-coloured boys" she said.

I spluttered my Dulce de Leche over the shopping bags.

Sometimes I wish we could just bond over shoes.

20 commentaires:

Pure Poser a dit…

Ohh I hate embarassing moments like that. Especially since we're going to Turkey my mum's been warning me constantly. Ugh :/

Do they get more embarassing as you get older?

Victor a dit…

Mothers know their sons.

aims a dit…

Honey - you're going to be the one needing extra thick pantie liners for your manpanties with your mom around. My goodness...!

aims a dit…

btw - could you ask her if she knows what happened to Long Dong Silver? (I've been wondering of late)

12ontheinside a dit…

ahhhh scarred for life, I'd have been!

Mike a dit…

W.O.W. !

The Hangar Queen a dit…

"It's a wonder that you and your brother aren't coffee-coloured boys"

Print it. Frame it. Hang on wall.

Genius.

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Poser, when you off to Turkey? I'm going tomorrow.....

Victor, don't they just, eh?

Aims, less talk of my manpanties, please. I get easily embarassed...

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Aims, I think he went the same way as King Dong....

12oti - I'm beyond scarred. Really.

Mike, it truly is a World Of Wonder with my mom around...

HQ - my Mom is many things. I'm not sure genius is one of them.....

Valleys Mam a dit…

did you buy her the book as thank you

CawfeeGuy a dit…

TBNIL i know i've been absent (work and facebook have been my mistresses as of late) but i'll admit, you had me at Big Black Cock.

that was the BEST story you've EVER posted. seriously. no joke.
i think i may have peed a little...

savannah a dit…

i'm with HQ on this one, sugar! that line was priceless...i adore your mother already! xoxox

Pure Poser a dit…

I'm leaving next monday :)
Have lots of fun!!!

amy a dit…

Does your mom have a blog?

Daryl a dit…

I love your mother more and more .. I may have to come over and steal her away .. she is truly channeling a ribald Gracie Allen

And its tres interesting my word verification is: fullit

cb a dit…

Sounds like your mum and I have something in common!

(The big penis book, I mean)

travelling, but not in love a dit…

VM - I don't want to be encouraging her, do I? Do I?

Cawfee Guy, hey! Welcome back! And 'peed a little'? eeuw.

Savannah, to know her is to, erm, love her...I guess...

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Poser, let's compare notes in a couple of weeks!

Amy,can you imagine if she did? Lord have mercy...

D, she's a real charmer, that's for sure...

CB - more than that in fact. You both like Paris, you both enjoy the company of gay men and you've both seen me naked....tra la la....

Louise a dit…

O.M.G. And the poor woman doesn't know she's blog fodder, right?

All I can say is "it only gets better." They lose more and more inhibition as they age. Strap yourself in!

amandablogandkiss a dit…

hahahaha! OMG these stories keep getting better and better the further back I read!