Panic not, it's only for five days, but nonetheless it feels like it's more than that. I don't know why.
England means various things to me. It's the past but it's also the future. As much as I love Paris, I imagine that I'll end up back in the UK at some point. The thought makes me feel a little sick.
In fact the whole thought of the future makes me feel a little nauseous. I'm definitely a man who lives in the moment. And, as far as I'm concerned, I have good reason to.
I'm the fourth generation in a line of men who died before their sixtieth birthdays. My Dad died at 59, my grandfather at 58, my great-grandfather at 59. I've never really paid much attention to my pension fund. I wonder why?
True, I'm a lot healthier than any of these men before me. I don't smoke and, although I'm in desperate need of dropping 'quelques' kilos, I have an active life that keeps my heart going. I make sure that I get regular aerobic workouts, but you know that if you read this regularly (wink, wink).
Despite all this, I still find the future a strange place and it's not somewhere I ever really want to think about.
Maybe it's the lack of someone by my side. Maybe that's what makes people think about the future; plan, dream, anticipate. Maybe.
I'm not saying that I don't want a future - far from it - but I can never look too far ahead. I get anxious, nervous, unsteady if I think about next year, five years' time.
I'm happy to think about the things I want to achieve in my life. I want to go to Easter Island. I want to live in Tokyo. I want to see the grown-ups that my nieces and nephew become. I want to wake up next to someone and think 'this is it, this is love'.
But make me think about these things in terms of 'when' and 'how', and I'll just turn and run.
Of all the things I want for myself, mostly, I want to be happy to think about the future.
For the time being, I'll occasionally give what lies ahead a passing thought or a glance, but I won't dwell.
The future is for other people. I just want now, thanks.