lundi 16 février 2009

I'm calling this one 'Bridget'

Now, if any of you are previously unadvertised dwarves, then please stop reading here - this blog post may offend you.  Likewise if you have a thing for the little people.  Stop reading now.  You'll only walk away upset.

I've been struggling for a post for a couple of days now, my trip to the UK being singularly, uninspiringly dull.  Truly, nothing at all happened.  Shocking.  I felt like I was living in a fun vacuum.  Anyway, I was lamenting my lack of inspiration to my lovely 'world's favourite' friend who I'll call CToM (short for 'coffee, tea or me?') and this little nugget popped out.

And what a little nugget she was.  

Standing no more than 2 feet tall, she proudly marched her way out of Lyon Part Dieu station this afternoon, dragging behind her a trolley suitcase that was bigger than she was.  It was one of those that fit easily under the seat in front of you.  The bag, that is.  Although she'd have fit down there nicely too, if I'm to be frank.

And what a beauty she was too.

She had the hair and face of a mini Zena, Warrior Princess, and she carried herself like a proper little Boadicea too.  She wasn't one of those with stumpy arms and a big head (excuse the medical terms here), you know the 'small hands, smells of cabbage' variety.  Oh no.  She was a perfectly proportioned person.  But tiny.  Teeny tiny.  Teeny weeny tiny.

Normally I have to look away when it comes to the wee folk.  It's all down to the time at work when I accused a tiny man of pissing on the toilet seat (it WAS him, I know it was).  

Having overheard me accusing him to a colleague in the staff canteen one lunchtime, he came and confronted me at my desk.  That's how - in an open plan office, in front of 150 colleagues - I found myself having a stand up row about personal daintiness with a man less than half my height.  Awful.  And traumatic.  The kind of thing you never recover from.

But I digress.  As I was sat on the train home, I was thinking how lovely it would be to be so little.  She'd never have to pay much to travel anywhere.  She could just throw a couple of blankets and a Balisto or two into a box, label herself up and post herself to her destination.

And don't forget the wonders of FedEx.  No matter where she was going in the world, she'd always arrive before 9am.

She may have missed her gig on the Yellow Brick Road, but what's being a friend of Dorothy compared to travel perks like that?

Lucky little lady.

17 commentaires:

Anthony a dit…

Tee hee! That even beats staff travel!

A Lewis a dit…

Did you say NUGGET and TOILET in the same post? Hehehehe.

12ontheinside a dit…

I'm not sure that parcel post packages are put in areas of a plane with important things like, oh, air?
Anyway who cares about that, I have to go and clean my brain out, it is full of mental images of a midget peeing all over a toilet.

travelling, but not in love a dit…

LaTanya, flying in a FedEx tube also beats flying BA, ha ha!

Lewis, I did. How did I miss that one? (because I knew it would tickle you)

12oti - that's exactly what I felt my colleagues were missing when they said I was being unfair to him...

aims a dit…

My dearest darlingest TBNIL - surely it wasn't you who wrote this post? It just doesn't sound like you. Truly. Admit it - a ghost writer perhaps?

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Aims, we all have our little non-pc moments....surely?

cb a dit…

A male friend of mine got fucked by a circus dwarf once. He said the guy was proportioned well on top but had wee legs.

Except for the "one" which evidently was sized like a baby's arm clutching an apple.

Said friend was fucked doggy style- and the dwarf was sized such that he could fully stand behind said friend.

I'll never look at little people the same way

travelling, but not in love a dit…

And CB, I'll ever look at you the same way again either.

Oh my....

*clutches pearls*

Mike a dit…

You are a bad man. Meanwhile, I laughed when I read this.

Daisy a dit…

Did you see that documentary on primordial dwarves? They're the smallest people in the world- it was so sad, the world is a scary place if you're knee high to a terrier.

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Mike, bad is as bad does, me thinKS....

Daisy - I saw it, yes. Terribly sad and strangely addictive viewing. Victorian style freak show programming masquerading as 'human interest'.... that whole series was so very wrong (but so very right...)

knifepainter a dit…

I'm not surprised you missed the "posh wank" possibilities of this lady, but.......

travelling, but not in love a dit…

KP...what's a posh wank? Am I missing out on something special here? Sounds like I am....

knifepainter a dit…

.....you'll work it out TBNiL !

travelling, but not in love a dit…

KP - I think I just did...eeurgh. Vile boy. You'll have no supper and go straight to my room.....

Daryl a dit…

Did you get to ask her if she's ever participated in drawf tossing?

travelling, but not in love a dit…

D, that's outrageous - I'd never do such a thing! well...maybe...