lundi 8 septembre 2008

My husband(s) and I

Family weddings are supposed to be funny. They’re also dangerous, nasty events fraught with the risk of near death. It’s much like poking a stick at a grizzly.

The wedding at the weekend was no different. We all assembled to see my dear cousin get spliced -–when I say all, I mean both families and assorted friends.

Families included four sets of parents (one for the bride, three for the bridegroom) and the rest of us hanger-onners. Friends seemed largely to be composed of the cast of Hollyoaks (or the OC, depending on which side of the Atlantic you woke up on this morning) such was their beauty and youthfulness.

We all battled our way through the most awful weather – it seemed like Gustav had made his way over to the UK for a two-day shopping and theatre break in London – and got to the venue wet, sodden, drenched. Ladies stood by the radiators, shivering and trying in vain to dry out, and perk up their fascinators. In fact, the fascinator seemed to be the fashion must-have of the wedding – standing at the back (as I was, giving up my seat to someone more needy) all I could see was an ocean of pheasant plumes and rhinestones on wires. It was like a bomb had gone off at the Folies Bergeres.

Beyond the fascinators, the outfits were a pretty mixed bag – from my other cousin, a vision of sartorial elegance in an understated Donna Karan number, through to the groom’s mothers, who – faced with their nemeses – had gone to town on their individual ‘look’. Even if the opposition was a group of Vegas streetwalkers, these women would still have won the ‘dress like a hooker’ competition.

The wedding all went according to plan (apart from the weather) and the ceremony passed smoothly into wedding breakfast and speeches. As the best man stood to make his speech, I looked at the groom’s parents who seemed incredibly uncomfortable as they shared the top table. His mother looked particularly uncomfortable, but then that’s not a surprise.

Of the five men sat at the top table, one was her son, one was her son’s new father in law and the other three, well… God bless her – it’s pretty awful going to a wedding knowing that you’ve slept with half the guests.

Trust me, I know.

29 commentaires:

wontletlifedefineme a dit…

Isn't that what karma's all about? Facing up to how many men you've slept with? ;)

Brett a dit…

Great just what i needed to cheer me up, great post.

Lola a dit…

I hate weddings. Your post, while immensely entertaining, has not changed that view. Fascinators - work of the devil. Wedding speeches - lucifer's entree.

Grumpy, moi?

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Marjolein...I certainly hope not... eek!

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Hi Brett, as per, I'm glad to be of service.

Lola, I know what you mean - and I'm best man for my London friend next year....I'm already starting to dread it....

tallulahbloom a dit…

"all I could see was an ocean of pheasant plumes and rhinestones on wires. It was like a bomb had gone off at the Folies Bergeres." - I am so sending this to my mother, I am getting married in november and she is very keen to wear a fascinator because she doesn't suit hats, I have been trying to tell very nicely that she doesn't suit ropey bits of wire either!
I loved this post so funny!

A Lewis a dit…

"Perk up their fascinators".....dear god. I thought YOU PEOPLE were a bit more refined than that. Especially in public.

red a dit…

I'm off to google a fascinator now. Completely clueless.

Tina a dit…

I only learned last year what a fascinator was, up till then I thought it was something you got in the back of an Ann Summers. From your description, I'm still not entirely convinced it isn't.

aims a dit…

Thankfully this bit of frumpery hasn't hit Canada. God help us if it ever does. I can see a whole church full of women wearing Canada Geese feathers on their heads and taking off into the sunset once the service is over with. Sigh......

She slept with one half of the gathering - you slept with the other?

softinthehead a dit…

TBNIL - I am hoping I can write as witty but maybe not so damning account of my daughter's wedding next week when all the dust has settled! (aims I have to admit to having had a "bit of frumpery" shipped in from the UK this week via one of the guests - but have yet to decide whether it will see the light of day - stand by for photos!)

Daryl a dit…

LOVE it... I went to a wedding not long ago where someone had been with all the ushers/groomsmen AND the groom ... I am not sure the bride knew ... then ...


:-Daryl

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Hi Tallulah - some of them were classy, and definitely fascinating! Let your Mom take her chances with one....

Lewis, what on earth gave you the impression that we were a classy nation? Lady Diana?

Red, I don't think you need worry about them too much....wait til you;re the mother of the bride.

Valleys Mam a dit…

We had my step sons wedding the other week , it was in Sweden some god forsaken northern bit
My husbands ex was out to kill too lol , she had a fascinator from planet Venus.
Most of the guests didnt go for fashion they went for comfort and plain even the young ones and looked lovely
Me well I lost two stones so "she " would not out do me, but I am tall (with my heels I stood 6ft)and have red hair I had a sort of Marrakesh meets Fochriw number on , no fascinator. The meal was long the speeches in foreign, me I just got pissed on schnapps and just slept with my self in the corner, bliss.
Weddings Bah wedding cake

Louise a dit…

So the next to last sentence made me laugh. Then you made it better. Terrific story!

david mcmahon a dit…

Great work!

Laughed out loud at your reference to the grizzly. Must be the same grizzly I photographed last week (see my ABC Wednesday post titled ``G Is For Grizzly'')

CrazyCath a dit…

Hilarious! Unfortunately it is also very realistic (I've been to a couple of weddings like that...) ;0)

Over from Authorblog. Congrats on POTD

Retiredandcrazy a dit…

I came over from David. I love this post. We have been to two wedding recently. At the first one I refused to wear a hat or a fascinator, but I caved in for the second wedding (traitor that I am).

Deb a dit…

Hi ~ So now I have to figure out what the heck a 'fascinator' is - I went to three weddings this summer and I don't think I wore one! I am always a step or two behind in the world of fashion but maybe that's a good thing in the case of the fascinator? I wandered over here from authorblog - and enjoyed my visit.

Millennium Housewife a dit…

Excellent! Weddings should be an obligatory part of life just to see how many uncomfortable people you can get in one room. Even better when you ply them with alcohol and disco.
Congratulations on POTD! MH

Merisi a dit…

Oh dear,
the stamina of that woman!
Wonderfully told family tale, through the rings, so to speak. ;-)

Came over here from David's.
Congratulations on winning "Post of the Day"! :-)

Celebration of Life a dit…

I too came over from David's blog.
Very funny tale of tail feathers!
Jo

conortje a dit…

and how many had you snogged by the end of the night? :-)

Hilary a dit…

A well-deserved POTD. You painted quite the scene.. too funny.

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Aims, I wish....

Softy - you'll look lovely whatever you throw on dear. I'm certain of that.

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Daryl, I've been to a wedding where I'd slept with three people, including the groom....as a guest of the groom... It wasn't pleasant.

travelling, but not in love a dit…

VM - marrakech meets fochriw? I can only imagine. My old landlady was from fochriw. She was a fashion disaster....

The swedish wedding sounds like fun....

Hi Louise, thanks for the comments - I'll be back over at yours again once I get settled in...

David, thanks so much for the POTD! It was a lovely surprise at the end of a terrible day. thankyou.

travelling, but not in love a dit…

Big C, just the one snog (and he wasn't one of the husbands). and you know this already - do you need to shame me in public? bad man you....he he.

travelling, but not in love a dit…

And a big hi to....

crazycath, retired and crazy, millenium housewife, deb,. merisi, celebration of life and hilary!!!

Lovely to see you all over here and great to read your lovely comments - it truly was a wedding to remember!

Come back again soon!

TBNIL x