So last night was the date with le Lyonnais. He cooked dinner for us both. And you know what? As I stood on his balcony, freezing but with a gin and tonic to keep me warm, I realised I was in the wrong place.
He's a nice guy, just not nice enough. Well, he probably is nice enough for someone else, but not me. What am I looking for? What was he lacking? If only I knew. I just know it wasn't right.
I ate my dinner, gave good company and got my coat. Years ago I'd have stayed, just for politeness' sake. But I didn't stay. I didn't want to, so I left. I know this probably sounds like a pretty simple decision, but trust me, it was hard. I knew the sex would be good. I also knew I'd hate myself the next day. And I knew he'd be more difficult to give up if we slept together again.
Am I avoiding getting involved? Am I scared? Am I scarred? Or did I just make a good decision, a normal, grown-up decision? Maybe it was just a dinner that was followed by an offer that I turned down. Is life ever that simple?
Anyway, tonight I'm watching Star Academy. It's mindless and stupid, and bad tv, but it's easier than dating.